Add a Half Hour to Your Day

One of the most brilliantly simple pieces of advice I ever heard was from Peter Shankman at a publishing conference. He said it had transformed his life and it is simply this: get up a half hour earlier and use that to reach out to people. He said it can be as easy as wishing a happy birthday to your Facebook contacts, one meaningful phone call first thing in the morning, or writing a personal note to someone you have been meaning to be in contact with. I remember listening to him and thinking I really didn’t want to get up any earlier. My days were long enough and that did not sound appealing. But his sincerity and enthusiasm somehow broke through my “baditude” and I pondered the idea as I walked back to my car and drove across the Bay Bridge back to my office. I decided to try it and I can tell you, he is right.

The extra half hour of every morning has been one of the best investments I have ever made, and so much so that I added an hour. It completely changed my life for the better. Try it!

Power Your Life with the Positive

When life gets you down, remember to look on the bright side-and there is always a bright side. Be strong not just for yourself, but for those around you as well. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “It is better to light a single candle than it is to curse the darkness.” 

Look into the meaning of this quote: focus on the light in your life-and if there is none, try to be that light.

“Attitudes are contagious.Make yours worth catching.”

-David Mezzapelle 

Quit Feeling Sorry for Yourself

What follows is pretty much the best example of this I have ever heard (and deepest thanks to Polly Campbell for this astounding testament to the human spirit).

When Rhonda Sciortino was six months old, her mother left her at a neighbors house and never returned. She was taken in by her grandfather, a mentally ill, depressed man who parented her through abuse and neglect, and her grandmother, an alcoholic who ultimately drank herself to death. Life was filled with hunger, struggle, and pain. “I lived in a very dark place,” Rhonda said. “Literally the house was dark, there were often no lights because the electric bill hadn’t been paid. It was a filthy, oppressive place.”

When she was about six years old, Rhonda was temporarily placed with a foster family who introduced her to the lighter side of life. “They lived in a clean place. There was plenty of food, they didn’t fight with each other-I remember watching them interact with one another as though they really enjoyed being together,” Rhonda, who is now 50, said. One day the man in the foster home encouraged her to search for the meaning of her own life. “Young lady,” he said, “you better quit feeling sorry for yourself. You were put here for a reason, and you better be about finding out what it is.” The family also took her to a Christian church, where Rhonda said, “meeting Jesus was a turning point.”

Although she was ultimately placed back into the abusive home environment, Rhonda never forgot those people, their influence, or the role of Jesus Christ in her life. She believed that there was something more for her, something better.. She discovered just what that was, when as an insurance professional, she received a thank-you note from the CEO of a children’s home. She had helped the facility keep operating by saving it thousands of dollars in insurance premiums. For Rhonda, that thank-you note was infused with meaning. She quit her job, started her own insurance agency, founded solely to help the people and organizations that help children. Today, she continues that work in her dream job as the National Child Welfare Specialist for Markel Insurance Company.

She lives with her husband of more than 20 years in a light-filled home overlooking California’s Pacific Coast and she is a loving mother and grandmother.

Rhonda is no longer daunted by her darkness-filled childhood, and no longer angry. “I’ve forgiven them for my abuse and neglect,” Rhonda said. “I value all my life experiences, including the bad, because I gained an understanding and empathy that could not be acquired any other way.”

The resourcefulness, self-reliance, and persistence that she developed to survive childhood have also helped her succeed in business and with her life’s purpose.

Step Up

    Challenge yourself. Life is a process and throughout your years on this planet, get to know yourself better at every stage. Surprise yourself. If you go through life without tring something new, you are not doing yourself justice. Discover your true potential and maybe more than just your life will improve.

Learn the Art of Letting Go

    After all, we are all human and we have a little baggage (or a lot)! Sometimes I hold in my feelings until they are like a dam about to overflow. Luckily for me, I have had the opportunity to learn from great authors like Sue Patton Thoele, Melody Beattie, and Mark Nepo that we just have to move on toward the positive. Release any repressed anger and pain that you have been keeping inside. Allow yourself to let go of the past so that you can proceed to live in the present without worry, fear, or resentment. Remember that this isn’t a one-time event, but a process. Letting go is an act of kindness for yourself. Once you can accept that life isn’t always something you can predict or control, yours will eventually become more positive and joyous.

Rewire Your Brain to be More Positive

    Neuropsychiatrist David Amen,MD, posits that thoughts carry physical properties and that the properties of negative thoughts can be detrimental to leading a healthy, happy life. To overturn these negative effects, he prescribes thinking more positively so you can change the way your brain works and in turn change your life for the better.

Save Somebody’s Life In Just One Second

    If you have a driver’s license, choose “yes” when you’re asked to become an organ donor.

Do the Thing You think You Cannot Do

    My friend Clare Cooley practices this courageous philosophy and now teaches others how to “Imagine a Day.” Clare is probably the ultimate autodidact; she had to drop out of school pretty early to take care of family members. This has not stopped her from learning and doing anything she sets her mind to, from design, filmmaking, and painting to crafting, writing, and music. One of Clare’s most spectacular gifts is her show-stopping skate dancing and there are many YouTube videos that strangers have taped and uploaded of her whirling and twirling. Clare, who chose to not allow economic difficulties and a lack of formal education prevent her from succeeding in life, has gone on to show her ceramics and naturalist paintings in museums and galleries around the country. She says, “Lack of imagination is the only limitation and fear creates self-doubt.” In her teaching, she helps people get out of “fear mode” and unlock the power of imagination. You can see her beautiful artwork at clarecooley.com.

    I urge you to Imagine a Day- pick something you always wanted to do, but were afraid to try. Painting, French cookery, playing piano, singing, learning a foreign language, yoga, rock-climbing, ballroom dancing, pottery, snorkeling-something that speaks to you on a profound level but scares you just a little. Find a class or barter with someone who is an expert to whom you can teach something, and dive right in.

Pass on the Wisdom of Grandmothers to Children Today

    Rich, my beloved, was raised by his grandmother, whom he called “GM.” She had been the wife of the head of their village and clan in Southern China until the Japanese Occupation, when war devastated the community at the cost of many lives. She felt very fook sing (lucky) to have made it to America with her only son and they rebuilt their lives from scratch. She ran a Chinese laundry which I have no doubt was the finest in all of Flushing, Queens. While working and taking care of her grandchildren, she told stories of the homeland, including the hardest times of having to eat insects during drought and war, famine, and pestilence. She relayed all this with no bitterness, only a sense of great good fortune in getting to live in the land of plenty in the US. Day by day, story-by-story, she instilled values of excellence-gratitude, hard work, keeping a positive attitude no matter what-in her children and grandchildren. 

    When Rich and his younger brother Jimmy went to public school in Queens, they made lots of friends in that melting pot metropolis, including a young African American boy who was really tall for his age and came from a family that had a hard time putting enough food on the table. One day, he stopped by her house with Rich and Jimmy. It took GM about two seconds to assess the situation and she told them to bring him by every day. She always made extra for their new fast-growing buddy. Having faced severe hunger during the war, GM was not going to let anybody in her circle go hungry. 

    Every day, in ways large or small, she showed her family how to do the right thing- stand on the bus so others can sit, be polite even if others are rude and, above all, “Take care of your clan.”

We All Have a Story

    My dad loved to tell stories of being in World War II and he did have many dramatic tales of saving lives. He even delivered a Japanese POW’s letter to his parents in Tokyo, a a major act of kindness that involved a great deal of risk. I really wish I had recorded them, but I still carry dad’s stories and share them in his honor. Our elders, in particular, have much to share and life lessons we could all learn from. The Library of Congress is gathering these by sending out volunteers to video record in the Veteran’s History Project (loc.gov.vets). To me, one of the most special aspects of this oral history project is that it not only includes the Greatest Generation, but also features young people coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan, whose stories are equally precious. I think we are learning that every generation has true greatness.

Do YOU

    This is your life! Only you can truly control your choices. Choosing happiness is the best way to achieve being good to yourself as well as the world. Here are some suggestions for how you can ensure simple joy in your life:

*Be the best you can be by your own standards

*Surround yourself with people who inspire you and make you feel good

*Focus on what you have, not what you lack

*Optimism trumps pessimism every time!

*Smile often and genuinely

*Be honest, to yourself and others

*Help others

*Embrace your past, live in the present, and look forward for what is yet to come

Quit Feeling Sorry for Yourself

    What follows is pretty much the best example of this I have ever heard (and deepest thanks to Polly Campbell for this astounding testament to the human spirit). 

    When Rhonda Sciortino was six months old, her mother left her at a neighbors house and never returned. She was taken in by her grandfather, a mentally ill, depressed man who parented her through abuse and neglect, and her grandmother, an alcoholic who ultimately drank herself to death. Life was filled with hunger, struggle, and pain. “I lived in a very dark place,” Rhonda said. “Literally the house was dark, there were often no lights because the electric bill hadn’t been paid. It was a filthy, oppressive place.” 

    When she was about six years old, Rhonda was temporarily placed with a foster family who introduced her to the lighter side of life. “They lived in a clean place. There was plenty of food, they didn’t fight with each other-I remember watching them interact with one another as though they really enjoyed being together,” Rhonda, who is now 50, said. One day the man in the foster home encouraged her to search for the meaning of her own life. “Young lady,” he said, “You better quit feeling sorry for yourself. You were put here for a reason, and you better be about finding out what it is.” The family also took her to a Christian church, where Rhonda said, “meeting Jesus was a turning point.” 

    Although she was ultimately placed back into the abusive home environment, Rhonda never forgot those people, their influence, or the role of Jesus Christ in her life. She believed that there was something more for her, something better. She discovered just what that was, when as an insurance professional, she received a thank-you note from the CEO of a children’s home. She had helped the facility keep operating by saving it thousands of dollars in insurance premiums.

    For Rhonda, that thank-you note was infused with meaning. She quit her job, started her own insurance agency, founded solely to help the people and organizations that help children. Today, she continues that work in her dream job as the National Child Welfare Specialist for Markel Insurance Company. 

    She lives with her husband of more than 20 years in a light-filled home overlooking California’s Pacific Coast and she is a loving mother and grandmother. 

    Rhonda is no longer daunted by her darkness-filled childhood, and no longer angry. “I’ve forgiven them for my abuse and neglect,” Rhonda said. “I value all my life experiences, including the bad, because I gained an understanding and empathy that could not be acquired any other way.” 

    The resourcefulness, self-reliance, and persistence that she developed to survive childhood have also helped her succeed in business and with her life’s purpose.

Giving Benefits the Giver, Too!

    Find joy in giving. “Altruism boosts immune function, improves our moods, and is linked, not only to a higher quality of life, but a longer one,” according to Stephen Post, at Stony Brook University. Those who help others also experience a “helper’s high” when their bodies are flooded with feel good endorphins and other natural chemicals. It’s pretty basic: when we do good, we feel good.

Do What You Say You’re Gonna Do

    Remember my friend Nancy Fish I mentioned a few pages back? This is the guiding principle of her life and it inspires me: really commit. Saying you’ll do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Commit to something you’ve been meaning to do and take the first step today. If you don’t Nancy may track you down and hold on to it!

Offer Unconditional Positive Regard

    Be accepting. No matter a person’s race, age, culture, or sexual orientation, accept everyone for who they are. Embrace the beauty of humanity and our myriad differences. By opening your eyes and mind to the possibility of love and friendship, new people will flow into your life and change your perspective in miraculous ways.

Ready for Anything

Take a CPR class. You never know when you might be in a position to put those life-saving skills into practice. Visit heart.org to find out where you can take a class. Being prepared to save a life is smart and a big good.

Slow Down

    Take it easier. There is a lot of hustle and bustle in this world, and it’s easy to miss the simple joys of life if you are always in a hurry. Alter your perspective a bit and take your time. When grocery shopping, instead of rushing through your list, walk down every aisle, notice all the colorful fruits and vegetables, enjoy the errand, and be grateful that you can afford to buy groceries. 

    Here is when you know you are going too fast: when you forget to be nice. When that happened to me, I took stock and realized I was heading in the wrong direction. Now I am doing my best to not do the crazy busy thing. It doesn’t do any of us any good. Least of all me. Least of all you.

Get. Very. Simple.

    I once had the pleasure of attending a lecture by Huston Smith, the preeminent scholar of the world’s religions. (He first came to global attention when he brought a young Tibetan Buddhist Monk- His Holiness, the Dalai Lama- to America for the first time.) Smith spoke about the continuing impact of religion on our world, most notably the strife all around the world over religious differences. He was at his most joyous when he spoke about his own spiritual practices, which he described for us. Smith said, upon rising each day, he did Hatha yoga, followed by reading a few pages of a sacred text, after which he meditated or prayed for at least five minutes. He would finish his morning ritual by doing a bit of yard work and some composting, which results in rich, dark soil, and a beautiful garden he greatly enjoys. 

    The entire audience smiled as they listened to this great and humble man describe the simple spiritual practices that began each of his days. These were Huston Smith’s personal morning rituals. I loved the irony that this premier academic, who has such a deep understanding of religious rituals throughout history, had created such an uncomplicated practice for himself. I left the talk inspired to worry less and enjoy more. I saw the deep wisdom of simplicity. 

    I recently saw him again at San Francisco’s esteemed California Institute of Integral Studies and heard the one detail he had left out of the previous  discussion of morning practices. That night, Huston introduced a dear old friend, who added this delightful detail he knew from their time as college roommates: upon waking, Huston sits up ramrod straight in his bed, claps his hands together, and says very loudly, “It’s going to be a GREAT DAY!”

Step Up

    Challenge yourself. Life is a process and throughout your years on this planet, get to know yourself better at every stage. Surprise yourself. If you go through life without trying something new, you are not doing yourself justice. Discover your true potential and maybe more than just your life will improve.

Think “Best Case Scenario” All the Time

    Many people overanalyze situations, psych themselves out, and only consider the worst-case scenarios. I, for one, am guilty as charged. Let’s start each day on a positive foot and make a list of your “best-case scenarios.” What are the best things that could possibly happen to you? To your family? To the world? Have fun with this and think big.