Look at Everything in a New Way

    Simply reframe your perception: each of us has had dreams that for one reason or another, we do not achieve. And we may have made choices that perhaps were not the best. Yet, rather than allowing regret to overtake us, we must celebrate all the other goals we’ve accomplished and positive choices we’ve made. 

    Human nature so often leads us to perceive the one negative in a sea of positives. But we can retrain ourselves to learn the lessons embedded in our mistakes, and allow ourselves to feel pride in the beauty we are capable of. All it takes is a little shift. You’ll see.

Quit Feeling Sorry for Yourself

    What follows is pretty much the best example of this I have ever heard (and deepest thanks to Polly Campbell for this astounding testament to the human spirit). 

    When Rhonda Sciortino was six months old, her mother left her at a neighbors house and never returned. She was taken in by her grandfather, a mentally ill, depressed man who parented her through abuse and neglect, and her grandmother, an alcoholic who ultimately drank herself to death. Life was filled with hunger, struggle, and pain. “I lived in a very dark place,” Rhonda said. “Literally the house was dark, there were often no lights because the electric bill hadn’t been paid. It was a filthy, oppressive place.” 

    When she was about six years old, Rhonda was temporarily placed with a foster family who introduced her to the lighter side of life. “They lived in a clean place. There was plenty of food, they didn’t fight with each other-I remember watching them interact with one another as though they really enjoyed being together,” Rhonda, who is now 50, said. One day the man in the foster home encouraged her to search for the meaning of her own life. “Young lady,” he said, “You better quit feeling sorry for yourself. You were put here for a reason, and you better be about finding out what it is.” The family also took her to a Christian church, where Rhonda said, “meeting Jesus was a turning point.” 

    Although she was ultimately placed back into the abusive home environment, Rhonda never forgot those people, their influence, or the role of Jesus Christ in her life. She believed that there was something more for her, something better. She discovered just what that was, when as an insurance professional, she received a thank-you note from the CEO of a children’s home. She had helped the facility keep operating by saving it thousands of dollars in insurance premiums.

    For Rhonda, that thank-you note was infused with meaning. She quit her job, started her own insurance agency, founded solely to help the people and organizations that help children. Today, she continues that work in her dream job as the National Child Welfare Specialist for Markel Insurance Company. 

    She lives with her husband of more than 20 years in a light-filled home overlooking California’s Pacific Coast and she is a loving mother and grandmother. 

    Rhonda is no longer daunted by her darkness-filled childhood, and no longer angry. “I’ve forgiven them for my abuse and neglect,” Rhonda said. “I value all my life experiences, including the bad, because I gained an understanding and empathy that could not be acquired any other way.” 

    The resourcefulness, self-reliance, and persistence that she developed to survive childhood have also helped her succeed in business and with her life’s purpose.

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

    Overcoming wilderness obstacles-rushing rivers, steep hills, avoiding wild animals builds confidence and helps under-resourced kids better handle inner-city obstacles. All of this is why Big City Mountaineers pairs adults with disadvantaged youths on weeklong backpacking and canoeing trips. If you don’t live in the regions where the organization primarily operates (Northwest, West and Midwest), check out Summit for Someone, a program that makes walk-a-thons look restful; participants fundraise for Big City Mountaineers by soliciting sponsorship for major climbing trips.

Open Your Home

    I think that once the pandemic is truly over, it's time to start thinking about treating ourselves to vacations. The gift economy is a really helpful concept for the budget-conscious, and it can help you, too. It may be time to reexamine everything you thought you couldn’t do and see if there is another way. Vacationing is a good example- you can trade homes and explore what you could not afford before, while offering the same in return. This free accommodation exchange will give you a really unique and much more personal view of a new place as well as a way to connect with people who live there. The idea is not new; Servas International (servas.org) was founded in 1949 and is recognized by the United Nations as a hospitality network. Check out the wildly successful and well organized CouchSurfing (couchsurfing.org) and Hospitality Club (hospitalityclub.org). And take time to look around the web; there are many similar, smaller initiatives online catering to the budget traveler or people wanting to take a volunteer vacation in another hemisphere.

Acknowledge Excellence

    Did you have a helpful or enthusiastic waiter at the last restaurant you went to? Call and tell the manager about the great experience you had. Do you still think about a college professor that impacted you? Write them a letter to thank them. Many jobs are thankless jobs, so remember how good it feels to be thought of and appreciated, even years later. Also, telling your friends and family about your good experiences with these people can help their business flourish.

Lit Love

    Very child should learn to expand their mind through the wide world of literature. The fine folks at Books for Kids (booksforkids.org) have a love of reading and helped disadvantaged families collect libraries at home. You can make that happen, one kid and one book at a time. Pick out some of your favorites that you loved as a child and get in on the fun.

Make Beautiful Music

    If you're a musician living in New York City, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Nashville, or Miami, you can volunteer through the nonprofit Musicians on Call (musiciansoncall.org) to deliver live, in-room or virtual Zoom performances to patients underdgoing treatment or unable to leave their beds. With so many people in hospitals because of coronavirus, why not bring some good-hearted tunes back into their lives? Add a dose of joy to a healthcare facility by bringing the healing power of music to people who need it.

Be a Good Samaritan

     Did you know this is National Samaritan Involvement Day? Now you do, and I have no doubt you can immediately be helpful to someone, somewhere. Doing a favor someone without expecting something in return is the epitome of kindness and will earn you some karma points down the line (though you shouldn't do this with the expectation of any!) Sometimes helping others is the best way to help yourself. Anytime one of my friends is singing the blues, I will say, "Let's go serve some beans down at Glide Memorial! You'll stop feeling sorry for yourself in the first 60 seconds."

Be a Good Citizen

    Rich Chin's family in New York City, pretty far away from any large expanse of wilderness, but that didn't get in his way. Rich shares his experiences that first made him see how he could be a good in the world:

    The Outward Bound Youth at Risk Program really helped many troubled teens get back  on the "good citizens" road. I was one of those Outward Bound instructors that volunteered to teach in this life-changing experiment for inner city kids in the late seventies and eighties. It changed my life as much as it did those kids. I saw firsthand that if so-called "bad kids" were given a chance to learn how to respect others as well as themselves, they could contribute very positively and be a part of our bright future.

    Kurt Hahn founded Outward Bound (OutwardBound.org) on this assumption: "In genuine service to the benefit of others, one best expresses on a day-to-day basis his reverence for life itself."