Live Your Values

When we are on track, living close to the things we deem important-the things we value-we feel

happier. This isn’t flash happiness, it isn’t the kind that lasts for a few minutes when we get a

new toy, or enjoy a concert. This is the kind that lingers in the background of our lives. The kind

that even in moments of sadness or frustration, never completely disappears, because if we are

living a values based-life we are also living with meaning and purpose.

-Polly Campbell

People Are Resources,Too

Make plans to go to a local nursing home and visit an elderly resident who hasn’t gotten a visitor lately. Receiving extra one-on-one attention can be very rewarding for the resident and you’ll be surprised how interesting their life is once you start talking to them. Especially with the holiday’s coming, think of those who might not have family nearby who would love good company at this time of year. Nine times out of ten, you will end up receiving much more than you give to these elders, who have wisdom, stories, advice, and love to offer.

#Helpful

    Are you software-savvy? Sign up to teach older adults computer and technology skills through SeniorNet (seniornet.org). Helping our elderly with tech skills is so rewarding. I have seen grandmothers go from never having emailed before to loving the world wide web and contributing their own wisdom, one tweet at a time.

To Be of Service

    “To Be of Use,” Marge Piercy’s marvelous poem, suggests something of the human condition-that we all long to be useful, to help, to work together toward a common goal. This is surely the best part of the human spirit. Meditate upon this: 

    What is my true purpose? What am I here to do in this life? 

    I recommend that you contemplate this question deeply and for a very long time-days, weeks, months, and years, even. Let the answer speak through your service to others.

Pass on the Wisdom of Grandmothers to Children Today

    Rich, my beloved, was raised by his grandmother, whom he called “GM.” She had been the wife of the head of their village and clan in Southern China until the Japanese Occupation, when war devastated the community at the cost of many lives. She felt very fook sing (lucky) to have made it to America with her only son and they rebuilt their lives from scratch. She ran a Chinese laundry which I have no doubt was the finest in all of Flushing, Queens. While working and taking care of her grandchildren, she told stories of the homeland, including the hardest times of having to eat insects during drought and war, famine, and pestilence. She relayed all this with no bitterness, only a sense of great good fortune in getting to live in the land of plenty in the US. Day by day, story-by-story, she instilled values of excellence-gratitude, hard work, keeping a positive attitude no matter what-in her children and grandchildren. 

    When Rich and his younger brother Jimmy went to public school in Queens, they made lots of friends in that melting pot metropolis, including a young African American boy who was really tall for his age and came from a family that had a hard time putting enough food on the table. One day, he stopped by her house with Rich and Jimmy. It took GM about two seconds to assess the situation and she told them to bring him by every day. She always made extra for their new fast-growing buddy. Having faced severe hunger during the war, GM was not going to let anybody in her circle go hungry. 

    Every day, in ways large or small, she showed her family how to do the right thing- stand on the bus so others can sit, be polite even if others are rude and, above all, “Take care of your clan.”

Power for the Planet

    Turn off your computer at night instead of leaving it on or in sleep mode, since this wastes energy. By doing so, you can save an average of 40 watt-hours per day, which adds up to four cents a day, or $14 per year (50waystohelp.com). In addition, the life of your computer will also be extended, as the amount of available time for virus contamination will be greatly reduced. This act of conservation is a great idea you should share with your office-mates.

Develop More Patience

    I love the old-fashioned ideas of virtues, such as kindness and generosity, a lot. I am determined to develop my patience muscle so it gets stronger all the time. Here is a big one for me: to learn to have patience with difficult people. (And realize I may be one myself and not know it!) This is not only a good deed for the person you are exhibiting patience towards, but it is also a good deed for yourself. Imagine that, a good deed for yourself! 

    For example, when someone pushes your buttons by doing something or saying something rude, you can choose to act with patience and understanding instead of anger. This will benefit you by keeping your blood pressure and stress levels low-which we know are two health issues that many people are suffering from today. My wise woman friend BJ Gallagher ays, “Difficult people are the ones we learn the most from.”

#Helpful

    Are you software-savvy? Sign up to teach older adults computer and technology skills through SeniorNet (seniornet.org). Helping our elderly with tech skills is so rewarding. I have seen grandmothers go from never having emailed before to loving the world wide web and contributing their own wisdom, one tweet at a time.

Get. Very. Simple.

    I once had the pleasure of attending a lecture by Huston Smith, the preeminent scholar of the world’s religions. (He first came to global attention when he brought a young Tibetan Buddhist Monk- His Holiness, the Dalai Lama- to America for the first time.) Smith spoke about the continuing impact of religion on our world, most notably the strife all around the world over religious differences. He was at his most joyous when he spoke about his own spiritual practices, which he described for us. Smith said, upon rising each day, he did Hatha yoga, followed by reading a few pages of a sacred text, after which he meditated or prayed for at least five minutes. He would finish his morning ritual by doing a bit of yard work and some composting, which results in rich, dark soil, and a beautiful garden he greatly enjoys. 

    The entire audience smiled as they listened to this great and humble man describe the simple spiritual practices that began each of his days. These were Huston Smith’s personal morning rituals. I loved the irony that this premier academic, who has such a deep understanding of religious rituals throughout history, had created such an uncomplicated practice for himself. I left the talk inspired to worry less and enjoy more. I saw the deep wisdom of simplicity. 

    I recently saw him again at San Francisco’s esteemed California Institute of Integral Studies and heard the one detail he had left out of the previous  discussion of morning practices. That night, Huston introduced a dear old friend, who added this delightful detail he knew from their time as college roommates: upon waking, Huston sits up ramrod straight in his bed, claps his hands together, and says very loudly, “It’s going to be a GREAT DAY!”

Pass on the Wisdom of Grandmothers to Children Today

    Rich, my beloved, was raised by his grandmother, whom he called "GM." She had been the wife of the head of their village and clan in Southern China until the Japanese Occupation, when war devastated the community at the cost of many lives. She felt very fook sing (lucky] to have made it to America with her only son and they rebuilt their lives from scratch. She ran a Chinese laundry which I have no doubt was the finest in all of Flushing, Queens. While working and taking care of her grandchildren, she told stories of the homeland, including the hardest times of having to eat insects during drought and war, fame, and pestilence. She relayed all this with no bitterness, only a sense of good fortune in getting to live in the land of plenty in the US. Day by day, story-by-story, she instilled values of excellence-gratitude, hard work, keeping a positive attitude no matter what- in her children and grandchildren.

    When Rich and his younger brother Jimmy went to public school in Queens, they made lots of friends in that melting pot metropolis, including a young African American boy who was really tall for his age and came from a family that had a hard time putting enough food on the table. One day, he stopped by her house with Rich and Jimmy. It took GM about two seconds to assess the situation and she told them to bring him by every day. She always made extra for their new fast-growing buddy. Having faced severe hunger during the war, GM was not going to let anybody in her circle go hungry.

    Every day, in ways large or small, she showed her family how to do the right thing- stand on the buss so others can sit, be polite even if others are rude, and, above all, "Take care of your clan."

Little kindnesses can mean the most

“Contagious Optimist” Colleen Georges taught me this: It's easy to judge others for their actions and take for granted those we love or meet in chance encounters. We sometimes get so caught up in our busy-ness that we forget others are busy too, they have rough days just like us, and they benefit from our kindnesses just as we do theirs. Go out of your way to smile at strangers, say good morning, say thank you, give a compliment, and listen attentively to someone who needs your ear. Do it because you can, because it feels great, because it makes someone else feel good. Don't worry about a subsequent thank you; let a thank you be a beautiful perk, rather than an expectation. 

Live from your values

“When we are on track, living close to the things we deem important – the things we value – we feel happier. This isn’t flash happiness, it isn’t the kind that lasts for a few minutes when we get a new toy, or enjoy a concert. This is the kind that lingers in the background of our lives. The kind that even in moments of sadness or frustration, never completely disappears, because if we are living a values based-life we are also living with meaning and purpose.” Polly Campbell

Some of my favorite neighbors have 4 legs

I live in a very nice town adjacent to Berkeley, California that is very urban but I have a big ol backyard, which I LOVE. (It is the reason I live here.) I have raccoons, a family of squirrels and a pair of deer who seem to love the yard as much as I do but I think they really like the apple trees. One of the older trees bears a huge amount of apples every fall, much more than my boyfriend and I can cook or eat, not to mention our friends, my coworkers, the door and squirrels. So we bag up the extra apples and take them to a place where deer congregate at the edge of the woods a few blocks away. Every time I deliver a new bag, I see lots of deer tracks and can see my four legged forest friends enjoyed their
“apple a day.” So, before you just compost the excess bounty of your garden or fruit, trees, take a look around and see who else might appreciate a neighborly gesture.

February inspirations on how to be a good in the world

January 7- Scatter Joy All Around

Think about how you can create little moments of happiness for others. Helping a friend plant her garden, buying an extra coffee for your coworker, paying the toll for the car behind you on the bridge, even taking your kids to a movie.  All those little things can add up to BIG joy.

January 8- Operation Gratitude

I learned about his from my mom whose church regularly sends cards letters and care packages overseas to the armed forces. My mom and her fellow church ladies bake some of the best cookies in the world so they gather up all kinds of goodies and treats and send them overseas where the taste of “down home” surely brings many smiles of satisfaction. Those who are less gifted in the baking department, such as ME, can make $15 donation to Operation Gratitude, which pays for one care package for one serviceperson. Operation Gratitude has end over a million of these kindness kits around the world!

Conscious Kindness

When I lived in the Panhandle District, I would occasionally wonder to myself from whence the name came. It is actually a skinny strip of land at the end of San Francisco’s spectacular Golden Gate Park, like a handle on a skillet or big pan. But with so many down and out, there is a good bit of panhandling, the verb- asking for money. In fact, it sometimes seems overwhelming, especially when on any given day, I might be hit up over a dozen times.  I noticed that after 9/11, it became especially grim, as there was a scary economic downturn that accompanied all the other chaos. 

 I developed a system of my own and I always kept change in the little pocket of my driver’s side door handle to be ready for when I was driving.  Here is my system and I just did it today: moms with kids, children, and amputee’s, anyone who really seems to me to need help now.  If I am driving an author around on tour or out-of-town visitors, they have, on occasion, been startled when I mutter,” Oh, an amputee; let me see what I have on me. “ I explain my seeming rudeness by saying this is my personalized system and that I was almost an amputee when I was hit and run by a drunk driver a few years back and managed to talk my doctor out of that idea.  I had to learn to walk again and it took a looong time and a lot of pain. So, I always think, “that could have been me” and I want to help.   Many a vet who served their country came back without a limb and even fewer options.  This really is the least I can do and wanting to do more is one of the reasons behind this book

We all have a story

My dad loved to tell his stories of being in World War II and he did have many dramatic tales, especially of having saved lives and delivering a Japanese POW’s letter to his parents in Tokyo, a major act of kindness involving much risk. I really wish I had recorded these but I carry dad’s stories and share them his honor. Our elders, in particular, have much to share and life lessons we could all learn from. The Library of Congress is gathering these by sending out volunteers to video record in the Veteran’s History Project, loc.gov.vets. To me, one of the most special aspects of this oral history project is that it is not only the “Greatest Generation,” but also even young people coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan whose stories are equally precious and just as important. I think we are learning that every generation has true greatness. 

I know you want to adopt a three-toed sloth

If you really need to read bedtime stories and cozy up to your newly-adopted loved one, the World Wildlife Fund has every imaginable animal, bird, fish or beyond for your brood AND you can get a stuffed animal representation, a photo of your new baby to show off to the relatives at holidays (what grandparent could resist a three-toed sloth, smiley orca or scaly anteater in the family, really?) For a mere $55 donation, you get all this, an adoption certificate, a gift bag and the long-distance love of a beastie! www.worldwildlife.org

Listening as an act of love

We don’t always have to donate time and energy to other parts of the world. Sometimes help is needed much close to home. Is a parent, sibling, spouse, or friend having a difficult time? Let them experience that loving feeling and help lift their spirits. Invite them to coffee or to dinner, surprise them with a simple gift, and take them somewhere they like. Lean forward and listen closely. Just listen.

Love Lifts You Up

If you have frequent flier miles you are not planning to use, give them to service members who have been injured in the line of duty and need to be flown to get proper medical treatment. This can also enable family members to visit.  Check out fisherhouse.org to discover all you need to know about Fisher House Foundation’s Hero Miles Program. Love has an enormous power to heal so sharing your unused miles stretches YOUR love a mighty long way!

Operation Gratitude

I learned about this from my mom whose church regularly sends cards, letters and care packages overseas to the armed forces. My mom and her fellow church ladies bake some of the best cookies in the world.  They gather up all kinds of goodies and treats and send them overseas where the taste of “down home” surely brings many smiles of satisfaction. Those who are less gifted in the baking department, such as ME, can make $15 donation to Operation Gratitude, which pays for one care package for one serviceperson. Operation Gratitude has end over a million of these kindness kits around the world!

Go to www.OperationGratitude.org and get involved. Your cookies might not be as spectacular as my mom's but I bet you have something equally excellent to share.