Thanksgiving: Count Your Blessings

Thanksgiving Day brings families and friends together in a celebration of gratitude and thanks. However, it is also a time for reflection and for giving back to your community and to those less fortunate. Millions of people across America and the world could use a little helping hand. One good group to volunteer with and donate to is Convoy of Hope. Their mission ranges from providing disaster response, supporting local farmers, and feeding the hungry, to signature events with grocery give-aways, job-placement assistance, and health screenings. Go to convoyofhope.org and find out what you can do to help.

You Don’t Have to Adopt to Make an Impact

Adopting an animal is a serious commitment. For those who aren’t able to adopt, but still want to make a difference in the life of an abandoned animal, fostering is an excellent alternative.

There are many foster programs that give at-and-dog-lovers the chance to provide interim housing for displaced pets who have yet to find their forever home. Many of these foster programs cover food and medical expenses, meaning all you have to worry about is giving your furry guest a safe and loving place to stay. And who knows? You might just fall in love.

Make Someone Happy!

As the old Jimmy Durante song goes, “make someone happy.” A thoughtful, hand-written letter will do that every time! If you make just one someone happy, you will be happy too.

Free First Aid

When tragedies happen, it is often hard to know what to do. Here is a shining example of a positive reaction. When police refused to call an ambulance soon enough to save the fatally wounded Oscar Grant in 2009, Sharena Thomas and Lesley Phillips decided that too many people lacked knowledge of even the most basic emergency first aid techniques. Together, these Occupy activists founded the People’s Community Medics, and since 2012 they have been providing free first aid training and first aid materials to Bay Area residents.

Their website, peoplescommunitymedics.org, explains, “This project is an act of self determination. We resist the state’s disregard for our well being and are creating an alternate reality. We hope that one day every child will be taught basic first aid in school.”

Committed to teaching their community how to treat medical emergencies in the absence of an ambulance, Thomas and Phillips call their project “a people centered alternative” to institutional support that often is unreliable in its response to low-income communities and communities of color.

From Growing Up Homeless to Helping the Homeless

NFL player James Jones knows it’s better to give than to receive. “Being homeless made me a better man,” says James Jones, wide receiver for the Oakland Raiders since 2014. “And while I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through that, I wouldn’t change anything as far as how I grew up.” Having slept in shelters and on park benches for the first 15 years of his life, Jones’ success as an athlete defies stereotypes about homelessness and poverty.

He has taken his challenging experiences to heart. Since being drafted to the NFL in 2007, he has volunteered for many community organizations, and in 2008, started his own with his wife, Tamika. The Love Jones 4 Kids foundation (lovejones4kids.com) provides funding for school supplies, football camps, and pep talks to underprivileged children, many of them living in the same conditions that Jones did growing up.

“People are used to hearing about a homeless person or kid and don’t think it’s possible to be a professional football player. But down on your luck doesn’;t mean down and out.” Touchdown!

Knitting the World Back Together with a Lot of Love

Volunteer was never a word in her vocabulary. Not that Lee Grant didn’t know what it meant, but it wasn’t something she would ever think about doing. Feeling unloved as a child left her self-centred, angry, and needy. As far as Lee was concerned, the world owed her. But it was hard to get to know the world, as small as hers was.  Sheltered and sequestered in a small coastal community in rural New England, she knew little about the daily lives of regular people with regular families, but enough to know that hers wasn’t like theirs. “Bad things happened in my house,” she said, “and I never understood why, because I was afraid to ask.”

Throughout her teen and young adult years, Lee used drugs and alcohol to transport herself, begging attention from anyone and everyone. Chemicals seemed to work in the short haul, but eventually they led to more destructive behaviors: setting fires, shoplifting, drunk driving, punching through plate glass windows. Cutting helped drain her pent up self-loathing and relieved her. Sutures and butterfly bandages briefly put her back together, but after so many years and so many scars, self-mutilation wasn’t working. After three weeks in an institution for attempted suicide, she was ready to try something differnt.

One day, out of the blue, Lee was invited into a knit shop filled with happy, loving people and found a passion and joy she never knew before. “I made things with my hands and felt good about myself. I entered an afghan in the county fair and won a blue ribbon. I joined AA and stopped drinking. I found a community of creative people who accepted me and my knitting and that, along with sober living, brought the attention I craved. But still...something was missing,”she said. She noticed she felt best when she shared her knowledge of knitting and making other people happy brought a new kind of satisfaction.

On a whim, Lee volunteered to teach knitting classes to kids for the local Santa Rosa chapter of Catholic Charities (CatholicCharities.org). She wanted to find out if knitting would make a difference to them like it did for her. She wanted to give them something they could turn to when life got too scary, or complicated, or boring...something they could turn to for comfort or fun. She gave them sticks and string and direction. She gave them an opportunity to feel accomplished and proud. She gave them a piece of herself and found out what she’d been missing.

Lee began to care about other people. “I taught families at a homeless shelter to knit. I taught a group of foster teens. I crocheted for battered women and premature babies. I knitted warm hats for cold-headed cancer patients I would never get to know.

 “All of this giving changes me. I feel good inside. No longer hollow and self-centered, I feel something akin to love. For others. For myself. For who I am. For what I do.” Lee is not just any knitter; she is tremendously gifted and tremendously generous. She is the author of several books, including Love in Every Stitch, and is a sought-after pattern designer. Go to her Facebook page, “Knitting and Healing With Lee Grant,” or you can find her at a shelter with a lot of bright, beautiful skeins of yarn and a bunch of happy kids, doing what she does best.

I asked Lee to sum up how it was that she came to “be a good in the world.”

“I blame it on volunteering,” she said.

It Takes a Village and You

In early 2010, in the small village of Nshupu, Tanzania, nine malnourished orphans were sleeping on a cement floor without even a blanket or sufficient food. Four years later, these children have a lovely new permanent home, are attending school, and have welcomed six more orphans to their family. Their home also serves as a village community center that hosts, among other things, a weekly women’s empowerment group that has created a savings and loan program for impoverished single mothers and widows. There is also a kindergarten program that serves 70 village children annually, including feeding them regular meals. All these endeavors are shepherded by PreciousProject.org, which explains on their website, “Though lack of education is a leading cause of poverty, Tanzanian schools are not free. Attendance even at the primary school level requires the ability to pay for school uniforms, meals, materials, equipment, fees, and other expenses. As a result, there are children who are unable to even receive a primary education. Our goal is to help break the cycle of poverty by providing educational opportunities for orphans and other high-risk children.”

A Fantastic Warm-Up Act

Warm Up America (warmupamerica.org) works with community service organizations and the American Red Cross to distribute warm, handmade blankets to a local organization (or a local chapter of a national organization) near where they live or work. My family collects old blankets and my mom’s best friend is a master quilter who can make a gorgeous patchwork blanket that would keep anyone quite cozy for years to come. Staying warm can be a beautiful thing!

Pass Along Self-Esteem

Donate “once in a lifetime” clothing such as old bridesmaid dresses or even your wedding dresses. Many people cannot afford formalwear for special events and if we are done wearing them, why keep them? Keep your own memories alive through pictures, and pass the dress or suit along to make someone feel happy and special for their big moment.

Author and all-around-good-person Lara Starr offered this tip: “I’m a huge fan of Image for Success and the work they do in San Rafael, California. Image for Success provides men and women who are transitioning to work with two-week professional and casual wardrobes so they can embark on their new lives feeling like a million bucks! Clothes and how we present ourselves can have a huge impact on our self esteem. Giving these folks the time, attention, and resources to look and feel their best means the world. And the thrift shop Image for Success runs is one of my favorite places to shop. The staff and volunteers always make shopping fun! Their tidy shop with well-chosen, quality items is a great place to score designer finds on the cheap!” Visit the website at imageforsuccess.org.

Muchas Gracias

I learned from my globetrotting friend Santosh that one of the nicest things a traveler can do is to learn how to say the basics in the language of the locals. He stressed that saying “thank you” is the most important phrase of all. His guide to global gratitude is below:

Arabic: Shukran

Czech: Dekuji

Danish: Tak

Dutch: Dank u

Estonian:Tanan teid

Filipino: Salamat

Finnish: Kiitos

French: Merci

German: Danke

Hungarian: Koszonom

Indonesian: Terima kasih

Irish: Go raibh maith agat

Italian: Grazie

Japanese: Arigato

Latvian: Paldies

Norwegian: Takk

Polish: Dziekuje

Portuguese: Obrigado

Romanian: Multumesc

Spanish: Gracias

Swahili: Asante

Swedish: Tack

Vietnamese: Cam o’n ban

Welsh: Diolch yn fawr

Good Karma

Holding the elevator: a simple yet kind idea. If you are inside an elevator and see someone

approaching as the doors close, hold the doors open to let them in. You might make a nice

connection and the person will appreciate this gesture. Rack up those karma points.

The Needs of the Many Outweigh the Needs of the Few

Use Goodsearch.com to search the Internet, play games, or answer survey questions. This for-

profit company donates a portion of all advertising revenue to charity (50% of revenue or one

cent for each search).

Give an Hour of Your Time

Talk to United State troops. Give An Hour (giveanhour.org) is a nonprofit organization that provides free counseling to soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, including their families. This is a great way to show your support to the military while making space for needed mental health services.

Your Friends from the Farm

https://www.farmsanctuary.org/

Gene and Lorri Bauston found a living sheep abandoned on a stockyard “dead pile” in 1986.

Once they recovered from the shock, they rescued the sheep, named her Hilda, and went to

work creating the Farm Sanctuary. Within ten years, Farm Sanctuary became the nation’s

largest farm animal rescue and protection organization. They now have a New York shelter and

one in California, 100 miles north of Sacramento. Their website is farmsanctuary.org. Not only

does their organization rescue thousands of farm animals each year, but they are also involved

in groundbreaking campaigns to help animals. Another way you can support this effort is to visit

a sanctuary with your kids, as they often include quaint petting zoos with fuzzy critters!

Learn the Language of Kindness

Teach the English language abroad! With programs all over the world, you can choose which country you want to teach in. Often, housing is provided by a host family-or you can live on your own. Usually prior teaching experience is not required, though you can earn a certificate in Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL). Visit interexchange.org for more information.

Seek Out the Shy

Rescue a wallflower. Most people know what it’s like to go to a party and end up standing by yourself. If you see someone alone, mosey on over to them and strike up a conversation. Nine times out of ten, they will have the most interesting things to say out of anybody at the party or dance.

What People Really Need

Much of the time, kindness is good common sense. Just think about what people really need. In low-income families with no other options, an infant can spend the entire wearing the same diaper. Due to a lack of funds, some parents cannot afford to change their baby’s diaper more than once a day, and most laundromats do not allow cloth diapers to be washed in their machines. Help out a family in need to cover the basics by donating diapers through the Diaper Bank Network at diaperbanknetwork.org.

Write Letters and Send Postcards

The things that make me the happiest have emotional and physical effects. These effects are felt even more when they are done for someone else. One of the most lasting is writing a personal letter. Born in the transitional time between letters and computers, many people in my generation have already shunned snail mail as a way to communicate. This makes letters rare, but a very inexpensive surprise.My grandmother was one of seven children, and they communicated with a round-robin letter. From mailbox to mailbox, they would add an update on their life and send it around to the next sibling. She taught me that letters are a valuable form of communication, something she’s emphasized as her memory slowly fades. I got into the habit of writing letters and during the times where I was most stressed, I would write a letter. Letters live somewhere between thoughts and stories. They are confidential and a piece of yourself that you can choose to scrap or share.

When I receive a letter, especially from someone whom I haven’t heard from in a while, I get a rush of endorphins, because I’m holding proof that the friend thought of me. It’s the same rush I get when someone is considerate or goes out of their way to help me. Most friends reciprocate with a call to say how happy they were to open a personal note rather than another bill.

I studied epistolary literature in college, often using my break from studying as a chance to write letters. Perhaps letters will go the way of Wells Fargo wagons, but I’ll single-handedly support the post office as long as my friends have addresses and my fingers can write. Letters are my personal therapy, my rush of endorphins, my connection with those I love, and my alone time-my regular serving of happiness.

A Plate of Cookies Can Change a Life

You know how certain memories sometimes remain crystal clear as though they are trapped in the amber of your consciousness?. While I don’t know nearly enough about how the brain works, I suspect these shards of memory that stay with us are some of the most important events of our lives to be pondered upon for all that they contain. They might be teachable moments for us to draw upon. While the neuroscience aspects allude me, I do know this memory is a life lesson: 

My besties and I like to have a cup of tea now and again, the fancy kind with tea cakes, cupcakes, and cookies that are almost too beautiful to eat. During my decade in the Lower Haight, my dear friends and I got together once a month, taking turns at each other’s houses. I was excited to be hosting one lovely spring day and planned everything to the tee-lemon bars with lime icing, mini cupcakes with icing that looked like lace, and my favorite black and white cookies, chocolate on one side, vanilla on the other. I even had brightly colored paper napkins with sassy wild women quotes on them. 

I was working in Berkeley and living in San Francisco, which meant that just getting across the Bay Bridge was going to be an adventure. On this day, it was going to be a miracle. I was terrified my friends would be standing at the front door, stamping their nicely shod feet, waiting for me as I navigated the traffic. I surrendered to it, knowing my anxiety would not change a thing. Plus, I had my secret weapon-the nicest array of confections ever. How could they be mad at me when they were being served stunningly beautiful cookies on napkins that reminded them they are fabulous?

Finally, my lane of traffic oozed off the Fremont exit into downtown San Francisco. I was going to bust one of my special moves and drive down a one-way arterial to avoid the clogged streets. To do that, I had to drive past the Transbay Terminal, one of the most desolate and derelict spots in all the greater bay Area. I was chugging along and feeling good about my bag of goodies, when I was stopped again by a Muni bus that appeared to be lumbering along at maybe three miles per hour. But I still had my special treats and my confidence remained intact. 

I looked to my left and a mother and her toddler were standing on the raised median about two feet away from my car. She looked to be not much older than a teenager herself, and had a big bruise on her cheek and a frightened look. Her little boy was hugging her knee, trying to stay warm in the arctic wind that blasts San Francisco as soon as the sun sets. I smiled at them and she smiled back, and I saw then that she was missing at least one tooth. In this moment, I just knew she had run away from an abusive home and was getting herself and her son to safety. I also knew in that moment that they needed money. I scrambled around in my messy purse but could only find a five-dollar bill, as I had spent all my cash on the sweets. I grabbed the pretty paper bag filled with boxes of delicacies and shoved it into her hands along with the wadded up bill. The look on her face was what will stay with me a lifetime. She was surprised, and the stress drained out of her face and I could see how pretty she was. The bus shot forward and I had to drive away but I managed to shout back at her, “These are the best cookies in the world, so everything is going to be okay!” I looked in the rearview mirror and saw her bend down. She opened a box and lovingly fed her little boy one of my treasured black and whites. They were laughing and her son was even dancing around. My heart lifted as I drove away. I was especially pleased that this young woman was going to be reminded about her fabulousness by sassy paper napkins. 

My girlfriends and I microwaved popcorn that night but nobody minded. We also ended up having a much deeper and richer discussion about real things, no shop or shopping talk, no boyfriend problems. We talked about how lucky we were and ways we could give back to the world. 

It is funny how I knew those cookies were going to save the night. I guess I just didn’t know whose.