This is exactly as it sounds: a pot for change. If you don’t mind stopping in the middle of a sidewalk or side of the road, pick up loose change that has fallen to the ground. Add your findings to the same pot and after a few months, see how much you have collected. If you’re strapped for cash, spend your findings on a nice meal for your family. If you are fairly stable financially, donate the money (anonymously) to a good cause.
Volunteer was never a word in her vocabulary. Not that Lee Grant didn’t know what it meant, but it wasn’t something she would ever think about doing. Feeling unloved as a child left her self-centred, angry, and needy. As far as Lee was concerned, the world owed her. But it was hard to get to know the world, as small as hers was. Sheltered and sequestered in a small coastal community in rural New England, she knew little about the daily lives of regular people with regular families, but enough to know that hers wasn’t like theirs. “Bad things happened in my house,” she said, “and I never understood why, because I was afraid to ask.”
Throughout her teen and young adult years, Lee used drugs and alcohol to transport herself, begging attention from anyone and everyone. Chemicals seemed to work in the short haul, but eventually they led to more destructive behaviors: setting fires, shoplifting, drunk driving, punching through plate glass windows. Cutting helped drain her pent up self-loathing and relieved her. Sutures and butterfly bandages briefly put her back together, but after so many years and so many scars, self-mutilation wasn’t working. After three weeks in an institution for attempted suicide, she was ready to try something differnt.
One day, out of the blue, Lee was invited into a knit shop filled with happy, loving people and found a passion and joy she never knew before. “I made things with my hands and felt good about myself. I entered an afghan in the county fair and won a blue ribbon. I joined AA and stopped drinking. I found a community of creative people who accepted me and my knitting and that, along with sober living, brought the attention I craved. But still...something was missing,”she said. She noticed she felt best when she shared her knowledge of knitting and making other people happy brought a new kind of satisfaction.
On a whim, Lee volunteered to teach knitting classes to kids for the local Santa Rosa chapter of Catholic Charities (CatholicCharities.org). She wanted to find out if knitting would make a difference to them like it did for her. She wanted to give them something they could turn to when life got too scary, or complicated, or boring...something they could turn to for comfort or fun. She gave them sticks and string and direction. She gave them an opportunity to feel accomplished and proud. She gave them a piece of herself and found out what she’d been missing.
Lee began to care about other people. “I taught families at a homeless shelter to knit. I taught a group of foster teens. I crocheted for battered women and premature babies. I knitted warm hats for cold-headed cancer patients I would never get to know.
“All of this giving changes me. I feel good inside. No longer hollow and self-centered, I feel something akin to love. For others. For myself. For who I am. For what I do.” Lee is not just any knitter; she is tremendously gifted and tremendously generous. She is the author of several books, including Love in Every Stitch, and is a sought-after pattern designer. Go to her Facebook page, “Knitting and Healing With Lee Grant,” or you can find her at a shelter with a lot of bright, beautiful skeins of yarn and a bunch of happy kids, doing what she does best.
I asked Lee to sum up how it was that she came to “be a good in the world.”
“I blame it on volunteering,” she said.
I have seen this excellent exercise put into practice at work, family reunions, and dinner parties. It never fails to bring a group of people closer, and it brings out the best in anyone. Call everyone to attention and say you want to acknowledge your appreciation for the group. Time your moment well-whenever there is a lull in conversation would be best and never at the beginning of a get-together.
Here are some examples:
“What I appreciate about Julian is his humility; he is brilliant but never showy.”
“What I appreciate about Leslie is her kindness and generosity. She helped me out when I was in a bad way. I will always be grateful to her for that.”
Offer a positive appreciation for each person and encourage others to do the same. Talk about a turnaround! This can turn stormy skies blue in five minutes flat.
This is your life! Only you can truly control your choices. Choosing happiness is the best way to achieve being good to yourself as well as the world. Here are some suggestions for how you can ensure simple joy in your life:
*Be the best you can be by your own standards
*Surround yourself with people who inspire you and make you feel good
*Focus on what you have,not what you lack
*Optimism trumps pessimism every time!
*Smile often and genuinely
*Be honest, to yourself and others
*Help others
*Embrace your past, live in the present, and look forward for what is yet to come
As the old Jimmy Durante song goes, “make someone happy.” A thoughtful, hand-written letter will do that every time! If you make just one someone happy, you will be happy too.
What follows is pretty much the best example of this I have ever heard (and deepest thanks to Polly Campbell for this astounding testament to the human spirit).
When Rhonda Sciortino was six months old, her mother left her at a neighbors house and never returned. She was taken in by her grandfather, a mentally ill, depressed man who parented her through abuse and neglect, and her grandmother, an alcoholic who ultimately drank herself to death. Life was filled with hunger, struggle, and pain. “I lived in a very dark place,” Rhonda said. “Literally the house was dark, there were often no lights because the electric bill hadn’t been paid. It was a filthy, oppressive place.”
When she was about six years old, Rhonda was temporarily placed with a foster family who introduced her to the lighter side of life. “They lived in a clean place. There was plenty of food, they didn’t fight with each other-I remember watching them interact with one another as though they really enjoyed being together,” Rhonda, who is now 50, said. One day the man in the foster home encouraged her to search for the meaning of her own life. “Young lady,” he said, “you better quit feeling sorry for yourself. You were put here for a reason, and you better be about finding out what it is.” The family also took her to a Christian church, where Rhonda said, “meeting Jesus was a turning point.”
Although she was ultimately placed back into the abusive home environment, Rhonda never forgot those people, their influence, or the role of Jesus Christ in her life. She believed that there was something more for her, something better.. She discovered just what that was, when as an insurance professional, she received a thank-you note from the CEO of a children’s home. She had helped the facility keep operating by saving it thousands of dollars in insurance premiums. For Rhonda, that thank-you note was infused with meaning. She quit her job, started her own insurance agency, founded solely to help the people and organizations that help children. Today, she continues that work in her dream job as the National Child Welfare Specialist for Markel Insurance Company.
She lives with her husband of more than 20 years in a light-filled home overlooking California’s Pacific Coast and she is a loving mother and grandmother.
Rhonda is no longer daunted by her darkness-filled childhood, and no longer angry. “I’ve forgiven them for my abuse and neglect,” Rhonda said. “I value all my life experiences, including the bad, because I gained an understanding and empathy that could not be acquired any other way.”
The resourcefulness, self-reliance, and persistence that she developed to survive childhood have also helped her succeed in business and with her life’s purpose.
Remember my friend Nancy Fish I mentioned a few pages back? This is the guiding principle of her life and it inspires me: really commit. Saying you’ll do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Commit to something you’ve been meaning to do and take the first step today. If you don’t Nancy may track you down and hold on to it!
True generosity, with no strings attached, expecting nothing in return and without scorekeeping, is a direct expression of abundance. Be generous with your time and skills by volunteering for something you believe in; leave an extra tip for the wait staff; give away thank you notes. Go through your closet and gather up things you don’t wear and donate them to a homeless shelter or people in need.
Make a list of short-term goals you would like to achieve by the end of the year, month, or even week. As you accomplish your goals, give gratitude for the effort, inspiration, people, and other factors that helped you along the way. My goal is to see how I can give more to those around me, near and far. I would love to hear your inspirations!
Give someone a copy of a book that has helped or influenced you-it may have a similar effect on them. I actually keep a stock of books that I love on hand to do just that and have recently gifted a few copies of The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Give it a read.
“Contagious Optimist” Colleen Georges taught me this: It’s easy to judge others for their actions and take for granted those we love or meet in chance encounters. We sometimes get so caught up in our busy-ness that we forget others are busy too, they have rough days just like us, and they benefit from our kindness just as we do theirs. Go out of your way to smile at strangers, say good morning, say thank you, give a compliment, and listen attentively to someone who needs your ear. Do it because you can, because it feels great, because it makes someone else feel good. Don’t worry about a subsequent thank you; let a thank you be a beautiful perk, rather than an expectation.
Random Acts of Kindness Day is always the week of Valentine’s Day. I love to hear how this meaningful movement has touched others’ lives. Artist and author Peg Conley shares her thoughts:
You’ve seen those bumper stickers, the ones encouraging you to commit “random acts of kindness?” What they can’t tell you in that little space is how performing those acts can be a way of transforming yourself. When you begin to focus on extending kindness towards others, you’ll feel more kindness coming towards you. Not only will you make someone else’s day better, you’ll be surprised how well yours improves. It’s rather like the “Secret Santa” gift exchange that many offices and families adopt during the weeks leading up to Christmas. There is delight when you do something for another while keeping your identity a secret. When you watch a person receiving a surprise gift, you see their face change, the eyes open wide with delight, a smile bursting into a grin, and laughter erupting. They appear to feel sheer joy at the unexpected. The old adage is true: “It is in giving that we receive.” The other part of the quote, which is by a San Franciscan writer named Anne Herbert, is often left out: “and (practice) senseless acts of beauty.” I received a text the other day from a friend who had taken a picture with her phone of a sidewalk outside a coffee shop where she works in San Francisco. Someone had written “ It’s a beautiful day” with colored chalk on the sidewalk and adorned it with butterflies and hearts. That, to me, is a senseless act of beauty. Think how many people walked on that sidewalk that day and smiled at the childish scrawl reminding them of the beautiful day.
The Hebrew word mitzvah means a good deed or an act of kindness. Judaism teaches that the world is built on kindness. I recall what my Bubbe, a dear friend in Salt Lake City who was my son’s first caregiver, used to tell me about the importance of doing mitzvahs. She believes in the power of doing good for another person but not telling them about it. She is a perfect example of someone who practices random acts of kindness, and also one who sees and acknowledges the beauty in everyone she meets. I always feel better just by being in her presence. Entire campaigns focused on practicing random acts of kindness have sprouted up. This, along with “having an attitude of gratitude,” enriches my days in many ways. There are myriad ways you can practice random acts of kindness. Don’t forget to include yourself when you are doing them!
Make a point of smiling at everyone you encounter and cross paths with today. Such a simple thing can mean an awful lot.
Think about the things that motivate and inspire you. How can you inspire others? What lifts you up? Who fills you with hope and happiness? Cultivate these qualities in yourself and pay attention to who provides your “day lifters.” You may be surprised!
