A Plate of Cookies Can Change a Life

You know how certain memories sometimes remain crystal clear as though they are trapped in the amber of your consciousness?. While I don’t know nearly enough about how the brain works, I suspect these shards of memory that stay with us are some of the most important events of our lives to be pondered upon for all that they contain. They might be teachable moments for us to draw upon. While the neuroscience aspects allude me, I do know this memory is a life lesson: 

My besties and I like to have a cup of tea now and again, the fancy kind with tea cakes, cupcakes, and cookies that are almost too beautiful to eat. During my decade in the Lower Haight, my dear friends and I got together once a month, taking turns at each other’s houses. I was excited to be hosting one lovely spring day and planned everything to the tee-lemon bars with lime icing, mini cupcakes with icing that looked like lace, and my favorite black and white cookies, chocolate on one side, vanilla on the other. I even had brightly colored paper napkins with sassy wild women quotes on them. 

I was working in Berkeley and living in San Francisco, which meant that just getting across the Bay Bridge was going to be an adventure. On this day, it was going to be a miracle. I was terrified my friends would be standing at the front door, stamping their nicely shod feet, waiting for me as I navigated the traffic. I surrendered to it, knowing my anxiety would not change a thing. Plus, I had my secret weapon-the nicest array of confections ever. How could they be mad at me when they were being served stunningly beautiful cookies on napkins that reminded them they are fabulous?

Finally, my lane of traffic oozed off the Fremont exit into downtown San Francisco. I was going to bust one of my special moves and drive down a one-way arterial to avoid the clogged streets. To do that, I had to drive past the Transbay Terminal, one of the most desolate and derelict spots in all the greater bay Area. I was chugging along and feeling good about my bag of goodies, when I was stopped again by a Muni bus that appeared to be lumbering along at maybe three miles per hour. But I still had my special treats and my confidence remained intact. 

I looked to my left and a mother and her toddler were standing on the raised median about two feet away from my car. She looked to be not much older than a teenager herself, and had a big bruise on her cheek and a frightened look. Her little boy was hugging her knee, trying to stay warm in the arctic wind that blasts San Francisco as soon as the sun sets. I smiled at them and she smiled back, and I saw then that she was missing at least one tooth. In this moment, I just knew she had run away from an abusive home and was getting herself and her son to safety. I also knew in that moment that they needed money. I scrambled around in my messy purse but could only find a five-dollar bill, as I had spent all my cash on the sweets. I grabbed the pretty paper bag filled with boxes of delicacies and shoved it into her hands along with the wadded up bill. The look on her face was what will stay with me a lifetime. She was surprised, and the stress drained out of her face and I could see how pretty she was. The bus shot forward and I had to drive away but I managed to shout back at her, “These are the best cookies in the world, so everything is going to be okay!” I looked in the rearview mirror and saw her bend down. She opened a box and lovingly fed her little boy one of my treasured black and whites. They were laughing and her son was even dancing around. My heart lifted as I drove away. I was especially pleased that this young woman was going to be reminded about her fabulousness by sassy paper napkins. 

My girlfriends and I microwaved popcorn that night but nobody minded. We also ended up having a much deeper and richer discussion about real things, no shop or shopping talk, no boyfriend problems. We talked about how lucky we were and ways we could give back to the world. 

It is funny how I knew those cookies were going to save the night. I guess I just didn’t know whose.

The Good Neighbor Policy

Bring your neighbor’s newspaper to their front door and leave a plate of homemade muffins next to it.

You Have the Power!

Anonymously grant a wish on someone’s Amazon wish list. How simple is that? And how sweet is that?

Don’t Be Judgemental; Be Kind Just because You Can

“Contagious Optimist” Colleen Georges taught me this: It’s easy to judge others for their actions and take for granted those we love or meet in chance encounters. We sometimes get so caught up in our busy-ness that we forget others are busy too, they have rough days just like us, and they benefit from our kindness just as we do theirs. Go out of your way to smile at strangers, say good morning, say thank you, give a compliment, and listen attentively to someone who needs your ear. Do it because you can, because it feels great, because it makes someone else feel good. Don’t worry about a subsequent thank you; lety a thank you be a beautiful perk, rather than an expectation.

Valentine’s Day

It’s that sometimes-anticipated-by-couples-yet-often-dreaded-by-singles day of the year! In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, send an anonymous letter or bouquet of flowers to someone special to you-your mom, your recently-divorced best friend. This deliberate act of kindness will last long after the 14th as the memory lingers on.

PS: A really nice thing to do the night before Valentine’s Day is to offer to watch a friend or neighbor’s children so they can run errands or spend time with their significant other.

Uncommon Courtesy

Make a point of smiling at everyone you encounter and cross paths with today. Such a simple thing can mean an awful lot.

What the World Needs Now

Tell someone close to you how much you love them, even if you’re sure they already know.

Knitting the World Back Together with a Lot of Love

Volunteer was never a word in her vocabulary. Not that Lee Grant didn’t know what it meant, but it wasn’t something she would ever think about doing. Feeling unloved as a child left her self-centered, angry, and needy. As far as Lee was concerned, the world owed her. But it was hard to get to know the world, as small as hers was.  Sheltered and sequestered in a small coastal community in rural New England, she knew little about the daily lives of regular people with regular families, but enough to know that hers wasn’t like theirs. “Bad things happened in my house,” she said, “and I never understood why, because I was afraid to ask.”

Throughout her teen and young adult years, Lee used drugs and alcohol to transport herself, begging attention from anyone and everyone. Chemicals seemed to work in the short haul, but eventually they led to more destructive behaviors: setting fires, shoplifting, drunk driving, punching through plate glass windows. Cutting helped drain her pent up self-loathing and relieved her. Sutures and butterfly bandages briefly put her back together, but after so many years and so many scars, self-mutilation wasn’t working. After three weeks in an institution for attempted suicide, she was ready to try something differnt.

One day, out of the blue, Lee was invited into a knit shop filled with happy, loving people and found a passion and joy she never knew before. “I made things with my hands and felt good about myself. I entered an afghan in the county fair and won a blue ribbon. I joined AA and stopped drinking. I found a community of creative people who accepted me and my knitting and that, along with sober living, brought the attention I craved. But still...something was missing,”she said. She noticed she felt best when she shared her knowledge of knitting and making other people happy brought a new kind of satisfaction.

On a whim, Lee volunteered to teach knitting classes to kids for the local Santa Rosa chapter of Catholic Charities (CatholicCharities.org). She wanted to find out if knitting would make a difference to them like it did for her. She wanted to give them something they could turn to when life got too scary, or complicated, or boring...something they could turn to for comfort or fun. She gave them sticks and string and direction. She gave them an opportunity to feel accomplished and proud. She gave them a piece of herself and found out what she’d been missing.

Lee began to care about other people. “I taught families at a homeless shelter to knit. I taught a group of foster teens. I crocheted for battered women and premature babies. I knitted warm hats for cold-headed cancer patients I would never get to know.

“All of this giving changes me. I feel good inside. No longer hollow and self-centered, I feel something akin to love. For others. For myself. For who I am. For what I do.” Lee is not just any knitter; she is tremendously gifted and tremendously generous. She is the author of several books, including Love in Every Stitch, and is a sought-after pattern designer. Go to her Facebook page, “Knitting and Healing With Lee Grant,” or you can find her at a shelter with a lot of bright, beautiful skeins of yarn and a bunch of happy kids, doing what she does best.

I asked Lee to sum up how it was that she came to “be a good in the world.”

“I blame it on volunteering,” she said.

Shower the People You Love with Love

After a wedding or party, donate all the flowers to a nursing home or hospital. Alternately, take them to your place of work and fill the entire office with beauty and love.

Make a Social Call

Simply pick up the phone and call a good friend to talk about what is on your mind. Bare your soul; don’t be afraid to ask for advice. Talk about what is going on in the world and what you can do about it. In this age of texting and Twitter, I have discovered the old-fashioned phone call is very welcome.

Dad’s Big Day

On June 19, 1910, the governor of the state of Washington proclaimed the nation’s first Father’s Day. However, it was not until 1972, 58 years after President Woodrow Wilson made Mother’s Day official, that the day became a nationwide holiday in the United States. Celebrate your father today by making him feel special and loved with a homemade gift or meal. For your friends who may have lost their father, check in with them as this day may be difficult. Perhaps you can connect them with the many “rad dads” at senior centers who are elders with wonderful stories and few family members.

The Good Neighbor Policy

Bring your neighbor’s newspaper to their front door and leave a plate of homemade muffins next to it. 

A Bagel and a Hug

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed from everything that life throws your way. If you notice a friend or coworker struggling, be there for them. Bring them a bagel or coffee, or something simple to show them that you care. Take their mind off their challenges, if only for a moment.

Yes, You Can

Remove the word can’t from your vocabulary and think about what is actually holding you back-fear, reluctance, pride? Once you stop talking yourself out of taking a risk or making a difficult decision, life will open up for you and so will your mind.

Do something nice and helpful without being asked. Take out the trash, clean the house, and visit a relative. Once you make a habit of these tasks, you won’t need reminding since you will want to do them as you go about your usual day.

Share Your Toys

Leave small, handmade toys for people to find. The Toy Society spreads love by doing this good deed. Visit thetoysociety.blogspot.com for more information and inspiration. You can post your toy drop on the website and view the drops that others have made. Feel free to share a picture and revel in the thought of bringing a child happiness-it might also be a good idea to leave a note

Extend an Invitation to Life’s Rich Banquet

If you see a uniformed soldier or veteran in a restaurant, arrange to pay for their meal. Anonymously is perfect unless you want to thank them personally and “enlist” a new friend into your life!

National Pet Day

If you have a pet, make sure you give them attention every day. Even if you can afford to only spend ten minutes with them, that time is enough to show them that you care and to make them feel loved. Pets need love as much as people do. The responsibility of caring for your pet’s life includes dedicating time and affection toward them.

Make Beautiful Music

https://www.musiciansoncall.org/stories/4-moc-moments-that-show-the-proven-effects-of-music/

If you’re a musician living in New York City, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Nashville, or Miami, you can volunteer through the nonprofit Musicians on Call (musiciansoncall.org) to deliver live, in-room performances to patients undergoing treatment or unable to leave their beds. Add a dose of joy to a healthcare facility by bringing the healing power of music to people who need it.

I Just Called To Say I love You

 

Call your parents (or whoever raised you) and thank them for everything they did for you! 

Give Away Your Old Stuff

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we all have too much stuff. Do a favor for people in need and give away some of the things you no longer use or wear. Others would be happy to have them and you will simplify your life and enjoy your time more. Find a few locations that you can drop off your stuff or call an organization that collects goods to redistribute to those in need. There are Goodwills and Salvation Army centers in every town, large or small, so you can donate to help others.