Just Keep Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

A book came out today that means a lot to me- Random Obsessions: Trivia You Can't Live Without. It is by Nick Belardes, a brilliant fellow if ever there was. Just looking at the quirky, colorful cover makes me smile and remember how I met "The PT Barnum of Bakersfield."

It was nearly two years ago and I was in a bad state. My long-term boyfriend had finally succumbed to the cancer he had been fighting. I was in a fog, very numb and sort of sleepwalking. I had committed to speaking at a Writers Conference and, while it seems pretty unimaginable that  I would be able to even talk, let alone form full sentences, I did like the idea of being at a beautiful retreat lodge at Yosemite. I felt it might be healing if  I could just get through my obligations and then walk in the woods and be with nature in one of the most beautiful places in the world. The gracious organizers offered me an out but I said I thought I could certainly meet with writers and offer basic publishing wisdom. Looking back , it seems kinda crazy even to me but I held onto my "chop wood, carry water," notion that small tasks could distract me, keep me busy, and keep me out of the fetal position I resumed when alone.

 I took the train to Fresno and cried the entire way. I was reading "The Other Boleyn Sister" and I could get through a few pages, place the book in my lap, sob for a time, repeat.  I had planned to nap but I was a bit worried that I had made a HUGE mistake in attending the conference and was going to embarrass myself and make people uncomfortable with the mess I regularly dissolved into.

Upon arriving at Fresno Amtrak, I was picked up by the lovely Hazel Dixon Cooper, author of "Born on a Rotten Day"and Cosmo's Bedside Astrologer.  She was a dear and had a good stock of tissues for me and snacks for the road. We then met literary agent June Clark and climbed into a limo that swept us away enroute to Yosemite. The limo also had a good stock of liquor of which we availed ourselves heartily. Was I distracted? You bet! We chattered amiably and I noticed I could go AN ENTIRE MINUTE without thinking about Robert's death.

I looked at the beautiful scenery passing by the windows of the stretch limo (soon dubbed "The Boozemobile") and I thought to myself. "This just might work out after all."