Ask for help (and give help when asked)

 Happiness, as the old adage goes, is an inside job.

 The “inner work” of happiness is that of thinking about how you live your life and how your thinking is foundational. We all know that  where we were born, to whom we were born, and the circumstances greatly influence who we are at the beginning of our lives but this is not the whole story. By applying oneself at school, at work, in LIFE. doors can open in any circumstance. Who you are is who you THINK you are. If you believe you are a person with potential, your potential will unfold. Many of us receive what I call “negative programming” when we are young and impressionable, but this can’t become the determining factor. Erase those old tapes and write your own program! Easier said than done, I know, but self-belief is the key. If it is writing affirmations and putting them on the fridge at home, then do it. If it is working with a life coach, try it. Perhaps an analytical approach or process mapping your life and your goals will work best.. Maybe for you, it would entail a retreat at Esalen learning yoga and deepest meditation.

 Or it could be simple, doable steps like getting up earlier in the day and trying one new thing a day. If, like many of us, the least expensive option is best, start a “success circle” like my friend Duncan did. Duncan is a brilliant filmmaker, writer, and musician but grew up in impoverished and unfortunate circumstances with a panicky single mother who wanted to dictate Duncan’s life every step of the way She even went so far as to have him institutionalized when he defied her. It would have been easy for him to either stay in the struggle or, at the very least, become a bitter and negative person. Instead, he chose to go to film school as quickly as possible and move to LA to make movies. Breaking into the “business” in LA is not easy when you have no connections so Duncan established himself- rentted an apartment and worked  a day job while he sought his break. Then Duncan had a great idea, to create a “success circle,” and invited some friends to his home to talk about what each person wanted in life and dreamed of doing. They discussed what would bring them happiness and right livelihood, shared hopes and aspirations. By the end of the first circle, they has all come up with goals and created outlines and ways to attain these dreams. They made it up as they went along but the success circle was a great success, each member going on to great things.

 As for Duncan, he has made two films, found true love, and great happiness.

What kind of happiness are you seeking? Maybe you don’t know yet – or thought you did but now you are not so sure. Maybe you are on the right track but just need a gentle nudge in a new direction. In our own lives, happiness can feel transitory and elusive. We can get overwhelmed by business and commit the cardinal “happiness eradicator” of comparing ourselves to others. Thinking about what you lack is the shortest path to misery that I know of. Instead do a “reframe” and think about what you HAVE, gifts, talents, positive people in your life, a great garden, all the great good things in your life.

Better already, right?