12 Dates of Christmas- sweet treats from authors we love (and you will, too)

Cleis has never composed a gift guide before, but we love the thought of spreading a little sexy Christmas cheer. We’ve curated gifts from a number of writers, some of our favorite scribes, ones we think are really brilliant. If you’re stilling looking for presents, why not consider stuffing a stocking with one or two of these.

We’ve handpicked twelve gifts for you and there’s not a partridge in sight.

1. 1) Rachel Kramer’s ‘Sex and Cupcakes’ (in a pear tree)

A collection of essays from writer Rachel Kramer Bussel, reflecting on her years as a sex columnist and cupcake blogger, detailing her dirty and sweet sides as well as sexual adventures, politics, heartbreak, tattoos and more. Sex and Cupcakes reveals the woman behind the stereotype, one far more complex than Carrie Bradshaw and her Manolos, a woman willing to expose herself, on paper and in the flesh, who takes risks and gets hurt and keeps on searching for love, sex, passion and happiness.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OL8LNR6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00OL8LNR6&linkCode=as2&tag=rachelkramerbuss&linkId=YDGYABSIYZ63J4XD

1. 2) Alison Tyler’s ‘Alison on the Rocks’
   

This kinky collection of erotic bar stories is sure to fill your cup—and fulfill your thirst—for BDSM, anal, gangbang, punishment, spanking, and humiliation. The six sultry stories included in this collection are: Last Call, Stirring Up Trouble, Cubed, Bastard, Sitting Pretty, and Prix Fixe. The pieces have appeared in other collections but never all together on one shelf—amidst the tequila and the triple sec. 

http://www.amazon.com/Alison-Rocks-Erotic-Stories-Kinky-ebook/dp/B00OO65HAY

1. 3) ‘Violet blue’s ‘The Smart Girl's Guide to Privacy’
   

Social media, online dating, photo sharing, mobile everything… It can make your life a dream - or a nightmare. The Smart Girl’s Guide to Privacy is the only guide focused on privacy for women. This book helps you hack your way through the jungle of privacy chaos and fight back against sleazy marketers, unethical megacorporations, scammers, stalkers, hacked apps, and thieves. 

http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Privacy-ebook/dp/B00JBV3C6S/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419295905&sr=1-1&keywords=the+smart+girl%27s+guide+to+privacy

1. 4) Shanna Germain’s ‘Numenera’

Shanne Germain is editor of Cleis Press’s ‘Kinky as you wanna be’. She leads a double life as an editor for a futuristic RPG…

Numenera is a science fantasy roleplaying game set in the far distant future. Humanity lives amid the remnants of eight great civilizations that have risen and fallen on Earth. Player characters explore this world of mystery and danger to find these leftover artifacts of the past, not to dwell upon the old ways, but to help forge their new destinies, utilizing the so-called “magic” of the past to create a promising future.

http://www.shannagermain.com/portfolio_2/numenera/

1. 5) Katie Gilmartin – Fine Prints

Katie Gilmartin is the author of ‘Blackmail, My love’, a smoky murder mystery that follows Josie O’Connor, in search of her missing brother, through the foggy streets of corrupt 1950’s San Francisco. The novel is illuminated by black and white prints created by Katie herself and cut a vivid window into the city’s neo-noir past.

http://katiegilmartin.com/print-galleries/

1. 6) Alison Tyler’s ‘The Sexy Librarian's Big Book of Erotica’ Audiobook

Imagine a library - a very special one run by a librarian whose only concern is pleasing her patrons. In fact, this librarian will stop at nothing to service her readers. To that end, she has carefully collected a fantastic and fantasy-filled set of stories guaranteed to satisfy literary lusts in The Sexy Librarian's Big Book of Erotica. 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Erotica-Sexuality/The-Sexy-Librarians-Big-Book-of-Erotica-Audiobook/B00QZQQUTI/

1. 7) Tristan Taormino's Top Sex Toys

Tristan Taormino is an award-winning author, columnist, editor, and sex educator. She wrote our very own ‘The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Woman’. When she’s not writing, she likes to play (among other thngs). And believe us, she has great taste in toys.

http://www.goodvibes.com/display_category.jhtml?id=catalog70002_cat38041

1. 8) D L King’s ‘She who must not be obeyed’

Award-winning erotica editor D.L. King's new lesbian anthology showcases dominant femmes and their submissive partners playing out vivid and unforgettable BDSM fantasies and trysts. Each of these stories is as beguiling as it is demanding.

http://www.amazon.com/She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed/dp/1590211944

1. 9) Saachi Green’s ‘Lipstick on Her Collar and Other Tales of Lesbian Lust’

An anthology like this invites you to a cocktail party of possibilities. You'll mingle with some dykes who are accountants, computer programmers, and scholars, interspersed with the occasional horse-trainer, army sergeant, and drag king. Is there a lover in your life, or is she still a figment of your imagination? You might get a glimpse of her here, among the butch daddies and femme fatales and rogues, because there are representatives of every kind of woman in this book, having every kind of sex you (and twenty-two authors) can imagine. Welcome to the party!

http://www.amazon.com/Lipstick-Collar-Other-Tales-Lesbian/dp/1576122980

1. 10) Mitzi Szereto’s ‘Normal for Norfolk’

Not what you would typically think when someone mentions ’Cleis Press top Xmas presents’, but charming all the same. Thelonious T. Bear, ursine photojournalist, leaves behind the big city life of London to take an assignment in the Norfolk countryside, where he hopes to find the real England. Instead he stumbles upon gastro-pubs, crazed Audi drivers and murder…

http://mitziszereto.com/normalfornorfolk/

1. 11) Kristina Wright’s ‘Seduce me Tonight’

Erotic love is the most powerful force in the world. 'Seduce Me Tonight' explores seduction from lust to long term love, from playful and teasing to dark and edgy. A short story collection perfect for anyone seduced by the 'Fifty Shades' trilogy or Sylvia Day's 'Crossfire' series. "Seduce me." A plea? A command? A need for connection that goes beyond the physical? These are stories of seduction. The anticipation, the tease, the buildup … the promise of what comes next…

http://www.mischiefbooks.com/books/seduce-me-tonight/

1. 12) Laura Antoniou’s ‘The Marketplace’ series

Laura Antoniou is the author of the well known Marketplace series of erotic novels. The Marketplace series describes "an elite and secretive world organization,dedicated to the auctioning and overseeing of the world's finest lifestyle slaves... a world so vivid in sequel after sequel, it takes on a reality of its own, one that's visually hard to let go of once the reader has put down the book." (Libido Magazine).

http://www.amazon.com/Laura-Antoniou/e/B0034PNQ7W

Keep those cards and letters coming!

Write letters and send postcards

The things that make me the happiest have an emotional and physical effect.  And even more so when you do something for someone else.  One of the most lasting of these things is a personal letter.

Being born in the transitional time between letters and computers, many people in my generation have already shunned snail mail as a way to communicate. This makes them rare, but a very inexpensive surprise. My grandmother was one of seven children, and they communicated with a round-robin letter. From mailbox to mailbox, they would add an update on their life and send it around to the next sibling. She taught me that letters are a valuable form of communication, something she’s emphasized as her memory slowly fades.

I got into the habit of writing letters and during the times where I was most stressed, a paper due, a newspaper deadline, or turmoil, I would write a letter. Letters live somewhere between thoughts and stories. They are a confidant and a piece of yourself that you can choose to scrap or share.

When I receive a letter, especially from someone who I haven’t heard from in awhile, I get a rush of endorphins, because I’m holding proof that the friend considered me. It’s the same rush I get when someone is thoughtful or goes out of their way to help me. Most friends reciprocate with a call to say how happy they were to open a personal note rather than another bill or W-2.

I followed epistolary literature in college, often using my break from studying as a chance to write letters. Perhaps letters will go the way of Wells Fargo wagons, but I’ll single-handedly support the post office as long as my friends have addresses and my fingers can write. Letters are my personal therapy, my rush of endorphins, my connection with those I love, and my alone time—my regular serving of happiness.

As the old Jimmy Durante song goes, “make someone happy.” A thoughtful, hand-written letter will do that EVERY TIME!

It's so important to make someone happy.
 

Make just one someone happy…



Fame, if you win it,


Comes and goes in a minutes
.

Where's the real stuff in life, to cling to?



Love is the answer!

 
Make someone happy.


Make just one someone happy.


And you will be happy too.

Commit: Be Willing to Go Out of Your Comfort Zone for a True Friend

Just how far would you go for a friend?

One of best friends in the world is named Lily. She is also the most brilliant person I know (and I know a lot of very smart and special people). Her brain works like no one else’s. When we first met I noticed her (how could I not?) because she was dancing alone in the student union of our college wearing a white lab-coat to which she’d attached letters spelling out schizoleptic. I introduced myself to her and asked what the lab-coat letters meant. “My dad is a paranoid schizophrenic, and my mom is a grand mal epileptic, so I figure I’m a schizoleptic.” See what I mean about her original thinking? That was enough for me to become best friends with her for life. A couple years after I moved from West Virginia to San Francisco she followed, and we had many wild adventures together.

The light behind the darkness

            I knew that Lily had had a rough childhood, with her dad institutionalized and her mother working three jobs to support the family. But I did not know about the pain and guilt that had scarred Lil when she had visited her father in the institution, which sounded like a medieval nightmare. 

Sometimes Lil would “go dark.” On the rare occasions when she did, the pain and fear of it all came spilling out.

            One episode in particular haunted her. It had happened when she, as the oldest daughter, was assigned to visit her father in the institution because the younger children could not handle it. The male patients at the institution had to leave their rooms during the day and wait in the hall of the dank, jail-like ward. They either wandered around like zombies on Thorazine, or they lay down on the cold, hard floor, trying desperately to sleep. When Lil visited, she said she had to “step over the heads” of the men. “Other people’s fathers, too,” she added.

            After a really bad breakup of a long-term relationship, Lil started talking more about these visits, so much so that I began referring to them as “head-stepping episodes.” She would wail and cry and scream about it while I searched desperately for the right words to say. Suddenly it came to me that role-playing might help. So I lay down on the floor, and we reenacted what had taken place so many years before that had cut Lil to the quick. As I lay there and Lil stepped over my head, saying what she used to say to her dad, somehow, I knew exactly what her dad would have wanted to say to her if he had not been medicated to within an inch of his life.

            I said the words for him. “I love you so much. You are my brave daughter and I am so proud that you come here to see me. Lots of the other families are too scared to come, but not you. Even though I am in here, I am okay. I had lots of good years with your mom and you when you were little. I will never stop loving you. You are so special to me and my gift to the world.”

            Lil’s shoulders shook as she cried, walking slowly over my imaginary ward mates and me. That was the last head-stepping episode. Lil

has gone on to become a remarkable success, a hugely talented guitarist and a beloved and excellent teacher. And I learned about what a profound difference we can make when we reach for another with the eternal power of compassion, deep friendship, and love.

Get. Very. Simple.

 A few years ago, I  had the immense pleasure of attending a lecture by Huston Smith, the preeminent scholar of the world’s religions.  Smith first came to the attention of the world when he brought a young Tibetan Buddhist Monk – His Holiness, the Dalai Lama –to America for the first  time. Smith spoke about the continuing impact of religion on our world, most notably the strife in the Middle East over religious differences. He was at his most joyous when he spoke about his own spiritual practices, which he described to us. Smith said, upon rising each day, he did Hatha yoga for some minutes, followed by reading a few pages of a sacred text, after which he meditated or prayed for at least five minutes. He would finish his morning ritual by doing a bit of yard work and some composting. As gardening and composting enthusiast, I was engrossed. Smith extolled the virtues of this service to the planet, which results in rich, dark soil, and a beautiful garden he greatly enjoys.

The entire audience smiled as they listened to this great and humble man describe the spiritual practices with which he began each day. These were Huston Smith’s personal morning rituals and I felt more at peace just listening to him describe his simple steps to serenity. I love the irony that this premiere academic, who has such as deep understanding of all the religions rituals throughout history, had created such an uncomplicated approach for himself. I left the talk inspired to worry less and enjoy more. I saw the deep wisdom of simplicity. Huston Smith rarely appears in public but I never miss a chance to listen to him speak on any subject. I recently saw him again at San Francisco’s esteemed CIIS and heard the one detail he had left out of the previous discussion of morning practices, which I recognized as a  brilliant happiness habit.  He was introduced that night by a dear old friend, who added this delightful detail he knew from their time as college roommates: Upon waking, Huston sits up ramrod straight in his bed, claps his hands together and says very loudly, ”It’s going to be a GREAT DAY.”

What simple activities can you perform to add joy to your life?

Are there any “downer duties” you can delete from your life?

Do you feel a longing for simpler times in your life?

What can you do about it?

Is there a morning “life affirmation” you can speak upon waking?

Wishing you sweet serenity,

Brenda

Ask for help (and give help when asked)

 Happiness, as the old adage goes, is an inside job.

 The “inner work” of happiness is that of thinking about how you live your life and how your thinking is foundational. We all know that  where we were born, to whom we were born, and the circumstances greatly influence who we are at the beginning of our lives but this is not the whole story. By applying oneself at school, at work, in LIFE. doors can open in any circumstance. Who you are is who you THINK you are. If you believe you are a person with potential, your potential will unfold. Many of us receive what I call “negative programming” when we are young and impressionable, but this can’t become the determining factor. Erase those old tapes and write your own program! Easier said than done, I know, but self-belief is the key. If it is writing affirmations and putting them on the fridge at home, then do it. If it is working with a life coach, try it. Perhaps an analytical approach or process mapping your life and your goals will work best.. Maybe for you, it would entail a retreat at Esalen learning yoga and deepest meditation.

 Or it could be simple, doable steps like getting up earlier in the day and trying one new thing a day. If, like many of us, the least expensive option is best, start a “success circle” like my friend Duncan did. Duncan is a brilliant filmmaker, writer, and musician but grew up in impoverished and unfortunate circumstances with a panicky single mother who wanted to dictate Duncan’s life every step of the way She even went so far as to have him institutionalized when he defied her. It would have been easy for him to either stay in the struggle or, at the very least, become a bitter and negative person. Instead, he chose to go to film school as quickly as possible and move to LA to make movies. Breaking into the “business” in LA is not easy when you have no connections so Duncan established himself- rentted an apartment and worked  a day job while he sought his break. Then Duncan had a great idea, to create a “success circle,” and invited some friends to his home to talk about what each person wanted in life and dreamed of doing. They discussed what would bring them happiness and right livelihood, shared hopes and aspirations. By the end of the first circle, they has all come up with goals and created outlines and ways to attain these dreams. They made it up as they went along but the success circle was a great success, each member going on to great things.

 As for Duncan, he has made two films, found true love, and great happiness.

What kind of happiness are you seeking? Maybe you don’t know yet – or thought you did but now you are not so sure. Maybe you are on the right track but just need a gentle nudge in a new direction. In our own lives, happiness can feel transitory and elusive. We can get overwhelmed by business and commit the cardinal “happiness eradicator” of comparing ourselves to others. Thinking about what you lack is the shortest path to misery that I know of. Instead do a “reframe” and think about what you HAVE, gifts, talents, positive people in your life, a great garden, all the great good things in your life.

Better already, right?

I was never prom queen but this I'll take!

My few years here at Cleis have flown by, always a sign you are having fun. I vividly remember getting my job the day before the stock market crashed in fall of 2008 and the recession began. I was worried my time at Cleis would be all-too brief. But, founders Felice Newman and Frederiqué Delacoste were unfazed having bootstrapped their way through two bankrupt distributors and countless banned books. Instead, we "doubled down" October 2008 and launched VIVA, expanded Cleis and I was encouraged for the first time to boldly pursue my publishing passion. For me, it is not enough to just chase dollars and treat books like "product." That, in fact, offends me. Inspired by a graduate course taught by KQED's Michael Krasny, I wrote "Women of the Beat Generation" to give voice to writers who had been kept in the shadows, ignored and overlooked. This same purpose drives me at Cleis Press & Viva Editions, as evidenced by the #OutWriters project. I go to a lot of our author events and it isn't to fill a seat or out of obligation. It is for me. Because I am moved when gay teens come to author events and tell our authors Jon Ginoli and Bob Mould that their music and writing saved their lives. Because Rachel Pepper's Transitions of the Heart reminds us to accept and love all our children. And that cancer survivor Mark Nepo's words on the page have helped thousands of others survive and thrive. I am gobsmacked, honored and humbled to be named Indie Fab Publisher of the Year. But mostly, I am encouraged to keep at it. Because there are many more voices we need to hear.

Random acts. very

You know how sometimes certain memories remain crystal clear as though they are trapped in the amber of your consciousness? While I don't know nearly enough about how the brain works, I suspect that means these shards of memory that stay with us are some of the most important events of our lives to be pondered and reconsidered for all that they contain. They might be "teachable moments" for us to draw upon. While the neuroscience aspects of aspic elude me, I do know this memory is a life lesson:

My besties and I like to have a cup of tea now and again and occasionally the fancy kind with teacakes,   cupcakes, cookies that are almost too beautiful to eat. During my decade in The Lower Haight, my dear friends got together once a month, taking turns at each other's houses. I was excited to be hosting one lovely late spring day and planned everything to the tee- lemon bars with lime icing, mini-cupcakes with icing that looked like lace and my favorite black and white cookies, chocolate on one side and vanilla on the other. I even had brightly colored paper napkins with sassy wild women quotes on them.

I was working in Berkeley and living in San Francisco which meant that just getting across the Bay Bridge was going to be a an adventure. On this day, it was going to be a miracle. I was terrified my friends would be standing at the front door, stamping their nicely shod feet, waiting for me as I navigated the traffic. I surrendered to it, knowing my anxiety would not change a thing. Plus, I had my secret weapon- the nicest array of confections ever. How could they be mad at me when there were being served stunningly beautiful sugar cookies on napkins that reminded them they are fabulous?

Finally, my lane of traffic oozed off the Fremont exit into Downtown San Francisco. I was going to bust one of my special moves and drive down a one way arterial and avoid the clogged streets. To do that, I had to drive past the TransBay Terminal, one of the most desolate and derelict spots in all of the greater Bay Area. I was chugging along and feeling good about my bag of goodies and was stopped again by a Muni bus that appeared to be lumbering along at maybe 3 miles per hour. But I still had my special treats and my confidence remained intact.

I looked to my left and a mother and her toddler were standing on the raised median not two feet away from my car. She looked to be not much older than a teenager herself and had a big bruise on her cheek and a frightened look. Her little boy was hugging her knee, trying to stay warm in the arctic wind that blasts downtown SF as soon as the sun sets. I smiled at them and she smiled back and I saw she was missing at least one tooth. In this moment, I just knew she has run away from an abusive home and was getting herself and her son to safety. I also knew in that moment that they needed money and I scrabbled around in my messy purse but could only find a five dollar bill as I had spent all my cash on the sweets. I grabbed the pretty paper bag filled with boxes of delicacies and shoved it into her hands along with the wadded up bill.  The look on her face was what will stay with me a lifetime, she was surprised and the stress drained out of her face and I could see how pretty she was. The bus shot foreword and I had to drive away but I managed to shout back at her "These are the best cookies in the world so everything is going to be ok!" I looked in the rearview mirror and saw her bend down and open a box and lovingly feed her little boy one of my treasured black and whites. They were laughing and her son was even kind of dancing around. My heart lifted as I drove away.  I was especially pleased that this young women was going to be reminded about her fabulousness by sassy paper napkins.

My girlfriends and I ate microwaved popcorn that night by nobody minded. We also ended up having a much deeper and richer discussion about real things, no shop or shopping talk, no boyfriend problems. We talked about how lucky we were and ways we could give back to the world.

It is funny how I  knew those cookies were going to save the night. I guess I just didn't know whose.

The power of the human heart

When I was working on the Random Acts of Kindness campaign, it was an incredibly joy-filled work experience. I usually do love what I do but this took it to a whole new level. My work was not just about helping my company or paying my rent for the month, it suddenly really meaning something. We were making the world a better place, one act of kindness at a time. There was literally an electricity in the air and we arrived at work each day to see what miracles had happened overnight while we were sleeping.

I remember the first day we knew everything had really changed - we found out through the US mail. Usually we only had a dozen or so pieces of mail, bills mostly and a few queries, letters from readers or an order or two. One day, the mailman knocked and said, "I need help here." He had BAGS of letters from people all over the country and a TON of ones with suggestions of acts of kindness. There were laughter and tears as we sat down on the floor and tore open the envelopes reading aloud from the letters. Some were in children's big blocky letters (these usually had the best ideas of kindness) and others in elder's careful script. I treasure that memory as I saw the power of the human heart that day.