“To Be of Use,” Marge Piercy’s marvelous poem, suggests something of the human condition- that we all long to be useful, to help, to work together toward a common goal. This is surely the best part of the human spirit. Meditate upon this:
What is my true purpose? What am I here to do in this life?
I recommend that you contemplate this question deeply and for a very long time-days, weeks, months, and years, even. Let the answer speak through your service to others.
An attitude of gratitude can make a profound difference in our day-to-day lives. Yet, as we all come to know, not every day is filled with good things. We each endure difficult passages: illnesses, money trouble, work woes, relationship issues, the loss of a loved one, and countless others. These are the vicissitudes of life. However, it is the attitude you bring to each situation that makes all the difference. Share what you learned from others during these life lessons and offer help to a fellow traveler who is walking a hard path.
Sometimes we all feel deflated or overwhelmed, someone hurts us or disappoints us, or we hear bad news about a loved one’s medical condition. On those days, when you feel your light has gone out, remember there is always a glimmer of hope and something to be thankful for. Alberty Schweitzer said it well: “Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.”
Get acquainted with the power of simple human kindness and easy acts of goodness every day. When at the grocery store, return the shopping cart or help the elderly man struggling with his bags. Open doors for people. Say “Hello” with a smile. Every day and in every way choose to take the high road in your travels. The view is much more beautiful from up top!
You know your coworker works really hard and can come in a bit bedraggled at the end of an arduous week. Why not walk up to her, say, “Good Morning!,” and hand her a vitamin-rich protein smoothie or fresh hand-pressed juice?
Stop for a moment and think of someone who needs a gesture of kindness. Perhaps it is something kind that someone once said to you. With gratitude for what was given, reach out and give back. It can be a simple gesture, like sending a card, or calling someone who is sick and saying you care. You may well recall the movie or book, but if you want ideas and to connect to other kindly folks, go to payitforwardfoundation.org. Pay It Forward is all about people, from all walks of life, giving to others and making a positive difference. At last count there were more than 500,000people in 60 countries around the world participating.
Sit down with your child and ask them to start a discussion about thankfulness. Provide a simple starting point: “Thank you for…” Then ask your child to draw a picture to go with the concept and get started writing the first of many thank-you notes for years to come!
Write a note of gratitude to the people in your everyday life who make a difference-the mailman, a grocery clerk, or the greeter at the mall. Tell your friends about their great service so their businesses can grow. Just by paying attention to those who can so easily go unnoticed (especially if your smartphone is glued to your hand), you can enrich each other’s lives a little each day.
I have seen this excellent exercise put into practice at work, family reunions, and dinner parties. It never fails to bring a group of people closer, and it brings out the best in anyone. Call everyone to attention and say you want to acknowledge your appreciation for the group. Time your moment well-whenever there is a lull in conversation would be best and never at the beginning of a get-together.
Here are some examples:
“What I appreciate about Julian is his humility; he is brilliant but never showy.”
“What I appreciate about Leslie is her kindness and generosity. She helped me out when I was in a bad way. I will always be grateful to her for that.”
Offer a positive appreciation for each person and encourage others to do the same. Talk about a turnaround! This can turn stormy skies blue in five minutes flat.
Share happy memories. Keep in touch with a friend by sending an old photo to them via snail mail and write a short note about the day it was taken on the back of the photo.
Donate your old cell phone to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ncadv.org). They will donate the proceeds to programs that protect families who have suffered abuse.
Bring your neighbor’s newspaper to their front door and leave a plate of homemade muffins next to it.
If you have a driver’s license, choose “yes” when you’re asked to become an organ donor.
Donate your unworn, professional clothing to dressforsuccess.org. This organization promotes economic independence for disadvantaged women by providing them with clothing they can wear to work, thereby advancing their career and confidence.
Make a commitment to refrain from negative self-talk. Be kind to yourself and focus on the traits you like, rather than the ones you don’t. The extremely wise Dawna Markova, the author of a favorite book, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, says “Your soul remembers when you put yourself down; it imprints upon you. Never do this. Self-compassion is key to a life well-lived.”
During difficult transitions, our natural tendency is often to resist change and grow rigid. In this state, we seem to only be able to focus on the negatives. We think about the despair that follows the death of a loved one, but not the wonderful moments spent together. We think of the heartbreak of a relationship ending, but not the exhilaration and freedom of being unattached. We might even scold our loved ones, or our friends, or coworkers for something minor when we ourselves wallow in similar negativity. But it is in these moments that gratitude can be used to alter this way of thinking.
Finding positives and accentuating them is the easiest way to turn those proverbial frowns upside down and gray skies back to blue. Try catching someone doing something right for a change, not something wrong. Giving praise for a job well done will lift all parties involved.
Leave something useful in an area where it will be most needed: an umbrella next to a public doorway or a spare bag at the grocery store for those who forgot theirs. Practice tiny acts of kindness!
Respect the choice of others. We may not always agree with our loved ones, but increase peace by respecting their decisions and being there for them regardless. If everyone thought alike, think how boring it would be. Our differences enrich our lives, and all the more so when Handled respectfully.
Plant a fruit tree. We know trees clean air by absorbing odors and pollutants while also providing oxygen and shade. And if you want to be generous, go ahead and plant a fruit tree near the fence or street. Put up a little sign that says “Help yourself!”
