Stop Interrupting Others When They Are Speaking

We have become a nation of interrupters as though what we have to say is more important than anyone else’s opinion or thoughts. Think before you speak.  If a friend is confiding in you and seeks advice, think about how what they have said makes you feel and consider how your words can truly help them. Many people interrupt or relate the problem back to themselves instead of thoughtfully responding to the person who is confiding in them. Reflect on what you have heard and then reply. This is not only basic politeness but also means a lot to the person to whom you are listening. I guarantee you will start to notice when you are interrupted once you have stopped. Listening is an act of love

Lean the Language of Kindness

Learn a new language. Or become more fluent in your less dominant language if you are already bilingual. The more people you can communicate with, the more valuable you are to working opportunities as well as opening yourself up to new people and cultures.  A friend of mine recently took a volunteer vacation where he taught English to orphans and abandoned children in Cambodia. He said he enjoyed every minute and wants to do this every year, as he loved working with the kids. As he told me this story, his smile was at least a mile wide!

Think With Your Heart

Shortly after retirement, this very thoughtful Seattleite, Leon Delong, wanted to utilize his new spare time and decided to do something meaningful. When he heard that city office towers were routinely throwing away half-used rolls of “tp,” he started gathering them and delivering them to a local food bank, where they were given to the homeless and those in financial need. Over the last 15 years, the 76-year old gave the poor over ONE million rolls of toilet paper. “I’m amazed how much this mattered to people,” Delong said. “To me it was just a nice thing to do. Now, it’s my claim to fame.” 

What is YOUR claim to fame?

No Strings Attached

Write down the things that someone has given you, no strings attached, for which you are grateful. It can be an old sofa, some sound advice, or a lift to the airport. Now list ten things that you would like to give someone yourself, and see how many of those things you can cross off in a week.

Examples:

Drive a friend to the airport

Carry groceries for the mom with two toddlers to their car

Baby-sit for a relative

Buy a friend a cup of coffee
Weed your busy neighbor's yard
Take out the garbage for the 95 year-old next door
Check in on a widow(er) who doubtless feels alone on the holidays
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
Take the book you just read and loved to a retirement home and donate it
Even better, offer to read your beloved book to someone there.

Cleaning up the Great Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch

I don’t know about you but photos of the big patch of plastic and garbage floating in the ocean scares me more than almost anything else. Nearly 90% of plastic bottles are not recycled, instead taking thousands of years to decompose. If you are used to toting around your green tea, juice or iced coffee in plastic, get a cool-looking thermos instead. This is a great choice for the environment, your wallet, and possibly your health. You can guzzle as much as you want and still be “green.”

Global warming isn’t the only environmental nightmare that scientists are struggling to solve.

Millions of tons of plastic waste litter the world’s oceans, converging together in rotating currents called gyres and blanketing the water’s surface. On average, these gyres now hold six times more plastic than plankton by dry weight.

Fortunately, 19-year-old Boyan Slat, founder and president of The Ocean Cleanup, claims to “have invented a method to clean up almost half of the great Pacific’s garbage patch in just 10 years, using currents to [his] advantage.”

The self-described environmentalist and entrepreneur first presented his revolutionary ideas at a TEDx Talk in the Netherlands and was recently named one of Intel’s 20 Most Promising Young Entrepreneurs Worldwide (Intel EYE50).

Slat first became aware of the problem while diving in Greece, frustrated that he was “coming across more plastic bags than fish.”

He asked himself, “Why can’t we clean this up?”

At least one million birds and another 100,000 marine mammals die each year from the plastic, and a number of species risk extinction due to the massive amounts of plastic circulating the oceans.

Economically, marine debris costs an estimated $1.27 billion annually in fishing and vessel damage on America’s Pacific coastal waters

200 Squares a day

Do you know how much an elephant needs to eat per day? At least 200 pounds of chow! Spring for $30 bucks and you can feed a “retired” elephant all day long. Many of the denizens of Tennessee elephant sanctuary are former showgirls who left the three rings circus behind. Check out www.elephants.com

Help those TO help themselves

We all remember the Biblical parable about teaching a man to fish so he can provide for himself and his family. Two thousand years later, we can do exactly this. My dad taught me how to fish in a pond back home on the farm in West Virginia and, even as a 7 year-old, I could not help but notice that we not only got a couple day’s worth of yummy trout for our efforts but my papa, a former Marine with many battle scars to show for it, seemed so relaxed after an afternoon at the pond. You can gift in a loved one’s name a $49 fishing kit or up to $100 for a daily goat to Action against Hunger (www, ActionAgainstHunger.org), which feeds over 7 million, people each year. Go fish!

Practice Random Acts of Kindness (and deliberate ones, too)

Random Acts of Kindness Day is always the week of Valentine’s Day. I always love to hear how this meaningful movement has touched other’s lives. Artist author Peg Conley shares this: You’ve seen those bumper stickers, the ones encouraging you to commit “random acts of kindness?” What they can’t tell you in that little space is how performing those acts can be a way of transforming yourself. When you begin to focus on extending kindness toward others, you’ll feel more kindness coming toward you. Not only will you make someone else’s day better, you’ll be surprised at how well yours improves. It’s rather like the “secret Santa” gift exchange that many offices and families adopt during the weeks leading up to Christmas. There is delight when you do something for another while keeping your identity a secret. When you watch a person receiving a surprise gift, you see their face change, the eyes open wide with delight, a smile bursting into a grin, and laughter erupting. They appear to feel sheer joy at the unexpected. The old adage is true: “It is in giving that we receive.” The other part of the quote, which is by a San Francisco writer named Anne Herbert, is often left out: “and [practice] senseless acts of beauty.” I received a text the other day from a friend who had taken a picture with her phone of a sidewalk outside the coffee shop where she works in San Francisco. Someone had written “It’s a beautiful day” with colored chalk on the sidewalk and adorned it with butterflies and hearts. That, to me, is a senseless act of beauty. Think how many people walked on the sidewalk that day and smiled at the childish scrawl reminding them of the beautiful day.

The Hebrew word mitzvah means a good deed or an act of kindness. Judaism teaches that the world is built on kindness. I recall what my Bubbe, a dear friend in Salt Lake City who was my son’s first caregiver, used to tell me about the importance of doing mitzvah s. She believes in the power of doing something good for another person but not telling them about it. She is a perfect example of someone who practices random acts of kindness, and also one who sees and acknowledges the beauty in everyone she meets. I always feel better just by being in her presence. Entire campaigns focused on practicing random acts of kindness have sprouted up. This, along with “having an attitude of gratitude,” enriches my days in many ways. There are myriad ways you can practice random acts of kindness. Don’t forget to include yourself when you are doing them!

• Pick up trash you see on the street and make the world a better place.

 • Pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line.

• Buy a cookie for a coworker and leave it on their desk.

 • Hold the door open for someone.

• Smile at a stranger.

• Send a thank-you note through the mail.

Conscious Kindness

When I lived in the Panhandle District, I would occasionally wonder to myself from whence the name came. It is actually a skinny strip of land at the end of San Francisco’s spectacular Golden Gate Park, like a handle on a skillet or big pan. But with so many down and out, there is a good bit of panhandling, the verb- asking for money. In fact, it sometimes seems overwhelming, especially when on any given day, I might be hit up over a dozen times.  I noticed that after 9/11, it became especially grim, as there was a scary economic downturn that accompanied all the other chaos. 

 I developed a system of my own and I always kept change in the little pocket of my driver’s side door handle to be ready for when I was driving.  Here is my system and I just did it today: moms with kids, children, and amputee’s, anyone who really seems to me to need help now.  If I am driving an author around on tour or out-of-town visitors, they have, on occasion, been startled when I mutter,” Oh, an amputee; let me see what I have on me. “ I explain my seeming rudeness by saying this is my personalized system and that I was almost an amputee when I was hit and run by a drunk driver a few years back and managed to talk my doctor out of that idea.  I had to learn to walk again and it took a looong time and a lot of pain. So, I always think, “that could have been me” and I want to help.   Many a vet who served their country came back without a limb and even fewer options.  This really is the least I can do and wanting to do more is one of the reasons behind this book

Optimism trumps pessimism every time

Those who are closest to me know that I have been through a rough patch in the last year. The highs were high and the lows were, well, way down there. I can see a glimmer of sunlight at the end of this tunnel and I want to share a wee bit of the wisdom that helped me along the way:

This is your life, only you can truly control your choices, and choosing happiness is the best way to achieve being a good to yourself as well as the world. Here are some suggestions for how you can ensure simple joy in your life:

·  Be the best you can be by your own standards

·  Surround yourself with people who inspire you and make you feel good

·  Focus on what you have, not what you lack

·  Optimism trumps pessimism every time!

·  Smile often and genuinely

·  Be honest, to yourself and to others

·  Help others

·  Embrace your past, live in the present, and look forward for what is yet to come

The gift of yourself

When I lived in the Lower Height district of San Francisco, I drove for an AIDS food bank in the little rusted-out  car I had driven across the country from West Virginia. I had arrived in the mid-eighties, which we may all remember as the height of the AIDS crisis. My best friend delivered meals to patients in their homes and also hauled groceries donated to the food bank by the Church Street Tunnel. One early morning, I was walking to the Market and Church Street MUNI station and there it was with giant pink letters announcing itself as a place to lend a hand for the AIDS cause. I went in and within two minutes had a shift and assignments for the week.  Plus everyone in there seemed extremely cool to me and they were not grim at all but seemed to have a mission of importance.  It seemed such a small way to help during that scary time but I also learned that whatever you can give, large or small, it is important to give of yourself. And it all does add up. Feeding America is the LARGEST hunger relief organization the United States and they need YOU. Please visit www.feedingamerica.org to find your local food bank or hunger organization. Get involved and you’ll make a difference and you’ll make friends along the way. I sure did and they remain my friends to this day.

And while you are at it, please check out this giveaway at: a Rafflecopter giveaway

Throwing Shade: Trees are Good for Us

Encourage community management of forests. If there are common property lands nearby that are degraded, work with local communities and environmental NGOs to establish sustainable community forestry that benefits everyone.  Get involved at www.treesforthefuture.org and meet your fellow tree huggers!

By the way- happy first day of spring! 

Helping Those Who Helps Themselves

Empower an entrepreneur with a loan through Kiva. You can give as little at $25 dollars to entrepreneurs in developing countries to help eliminate poverty. Throughout the life of the loan, you will receive updates on the progress of the project and will be repaid by the borrower with Kiva Credit—which you can use to fund another project or withdraw. http://www.kiva.org/ I have bought some really lovely pillows baskets and bangle bracelets made in India by women whose creativity was sent soaring by Kiva!

Power to the people

Turn off your computer at night instead of leaving it on or in sleep mode, as this is wasted energy. By doing so, you can save an average of 40 watt-hours per day, which adds up to 4 cents a day or $14 per year (www.50waystohelp.com). In addition, the life of your computer will also be extended, as the amount of available time for virus contamination will be greatly reduced. This act of conservation is a great idea you should share with your office-mates.

We all have a story

My dad loved to tell his stories of being in World War II and he did have many dramatic tales, especially of having saved lives and delivering a Japanese POW’s letter to his parents in Tokyo, a major act of kindness involving much risk. I really wish I had recorded these but I carry dad’s stories and share them his honor. Our elders, in particular, have much to share and life lessons we could all learn from. The Library of Congress is gathering these by sending out volunteers to video record in the Veteran’s History Project, loc.gov.vets. To me, one of the most special aspects of this oral history project is that it is not only the “Greatest Generation,” but also even young people coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan whose stories are equally precious and just as important. I think we are learning that every generation has true greatness. 

I know you want to adopt a three-toed sloth

If you really need to read bedtime stories and cozy up to your newly-adopted loved one, the World Wildlife Fund has every imaginable animal, bird, fish or beyond for your brood AND you can get a stuffed animal representation, a photo of your new baby to show off to the relatives at holidays (what grandparent could resist a three-toed sloth, smiley orca or scaly anteater in the family, really?) For a mere $55 donation, you get all this, an adoption certificate, a gift bag and the long-distance love of a beastie! www.worldwildlife.org

Take a walk on the wild side

You know you want to adopt a wild animal, don’t you? Oceana can get you one step closer to that dream with their Adopt An Animal program so you can befriend (from a distance) a whale, manatee, a puffin, sea turtle or any number of beautiful sea creatures.  Swim on over to www.oceana.org and bask in the richness dwelling within Earth’s oceans.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine’s Day. It’s that sometimes-anticipated-by-couples-yet-often-dreaded-by-singles day of the year! In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, send an anonymous letter or bouquet of flowers to someone special to you- your mom, your recently divorced best friend. This deliberate act of kindness will last long after the 14^th as the memory lingers on.

-       PS

Offer to watch a friend or neighbor’s children so they can run errands or spend time with their significant other. A really nice thing to do the night before Valentine’s Day, btw.

Listening as an act of love

We don’t always have to donate time and energy to other parts of the world. Sometimes help is needed much close to home. Is a parent, sibling, spouse, or friend having a difficult time? Let them experience that loving feeling and help lift their spirits. Invite them to coffee or to dinner, surprise them with a simple gift, and take them somewhere they like. Lean forward and listen closely. Just listen.

Have Mercy

Donate a gift through Mercy Corps. It’s as simple as this: choose a gift on the website for someone you know needs it or choose to whom you wish. The recipient gets a card that explains the gift and donation made in their name, and your gift helps families in need. Visit http://gifts.mercycorps.org/ to view the gift selection, ranging from clean water to giving a goat to a family. You can choose to remain anonymous or you can personalize with a friendly note to the family in another part of the globe. People have developed nice long-distance friendships through the kindly organization and are really nice to see how your gift is of benefit. Often, the daily headlines are reflected in the regions in need and currently families affected by Ebola need all the help we can give them. 

Bake it forward:

If you love to cook and love to help people, this might be the option for you; teaching cooking classes and offering your services as a free guide to getting the healthiest groceries at the best prices via Cooking matters, a division of Share Our Strength. What I love about this is that it is personal and oh-so practical. www.CookingMatters.org pairs you up with your local group and you can bake up a lot of love while showing others how to do the same. 

Love Lifts You Up

If you have frequent flier miles you are not planning to use, give them to service members who have been injured in the line of duty and need to be flown to get proper medical treatment. This can also enable family members to visit.  Check out fisherhouse.org to discover all you need to know about Fisher House Foundation’s Hero Miles Program. Love has an enormous power to heal so sharing your unused miles stretches YOUR love a mighty long way!

Lend An Ear

Counselors can contribute enormously to our troops when the return back at the end of their service term. I honestly think my Ex-Marine dad has PTSD but that posttraumatic stress was not even acknowledged until long after the Viet Nam War and only through the activism of many.  Therapists and mental health professionals can really help our military veterans by volunteering their own service through the organization Give an Hour (giveanhour.org) and this is extremely helpful to families of vets. Listening can change lives for the better here in a big way.

Emit Good Vibes

 Take stock of your day-to-day life. Are you giving to others or a little out of balance where your work, your immediately family gets 99% of what you offer the world?  You can change that in one day. Donate more of your time or money to a charity. Supporting a cause will help keep you informed about social issues and can strengthen your sense of well-being while benefitting others in the process. Additionally, monetary donations are tax deductible. Which is really just a bonus because the real reward is not on April 15^th but comes the other 364 days of the year. 

I figured out last year that I was waaaaaay out of balance. I had become Bartelby The Scrivener. I am working on fixing that and it has been an interesting journey. 

More about that later!

Veg Out

Have you hear of “food deserts?” I certainly never did until reading last year in the New York Times about entire swaths of urban areas with nothing but corner stores filled with processed packages foods and no produce whatsoever.  I started paying attention and it is true.

There is something you can do about it, by making a donation of www.WholesomeWavge.org who will provide fresh fruits and veggies to these underserved communities.  How great is that? Actually, it is even better, as Wholesome Wave obtains their organic produce from small and mid-sized farmers. 

Operation Gratitude

I learned about this from my mom whose church regularly sends cards, letters and care packages overseas to the armed forces. My mom and her fellow church ladies bake some of the best cookies in the world.  They gather up all kinds of goodies and treats and send them overseas where the taste of “down home” surely brings many smiles of satisfaction. Those who are less gifted in the baking department, such as ME, can make $15 donation to Operation Gratitude, which pays for one care package for one serviceperson. Operation Gratitude has end over a million of these kindness kits around the world!

Go to www.OperationGratitude.org and get involved. Your cookies might not be as spectacular as my mom's but I bet you have something equally excellent to share.

Just say hello!

Try something new this year and check out the Just Say Hello Campaign on Oprah’s website. The campaign (find it at www.oprah.com) encourages kindness and strives to combat loneliness by reading our and connecting. A howdy-do to a stranger might make your day and a new pal in the process. I read about this excellent friendliness project in Oprah’s O Magazine a few Sundays ago and immediately felt inspired to try it that day. My boyfriend and I went to do our weekend chores, which include fresh flowers from our neighborhood stand. An older gentleman was standing there smelling the roses, always a good idea in my mind. I remembered to say “Hi” as instructed by Oprah and he responded with a big smile and wanted my input on flowers he wanted to buy for a lady friend.  As you might imagine, quite a conversation ensued and my boyfriend joined in, who is even friendlier than I am. Soon the florist was involved and our new gentleman friend turned out to be a fascinating conversationalist. He had been a fighter pilot in the Korean War, very highly decorated and has travelled all over the world before returning back home to El Cerrito. Widowed some years back, he was only beginning to get back out there and date. After landing upon a carefully selected bouquet of red roses and pink lilies, he headed off to the dance at the senior center. I noticed he has a good bit of pep in his step and I remember having a good feeling about his first date. We kept our eyes peeled for Colonel Jarvis when in the vicinity of the flower shop and sure enough we saw him and he had pictures of his lady friend from the dance featuring a corsage he had gotten for her. Things were looking pretty swell all around and he looked pleased as punch.

So, thanks Oprah for another great idea!